Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Details

Closed to new replies
January 14, 2013
Link

Statistics

Replies: 143

My ass has declared a state of emergency.

:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Okay, so everybody who doesn't use some sort of touchphone or oldass flip-phone probably has the ongoing issue of having your phone call people while its in your pocket. Yes, there is a way to lock it before you put it in there, but most of us are entirely too lazy to do it.

Now, I'm driving back to my college, listening to something suitably brutal/epic, and I get a call from a phone number I don't recognize.
"Hello, is there an emergency?"
"um, no."
"Well we just got a call from this number."
"I didn't call 911."
"Your number is (XXX)XXX-XXXX, right?"
"Yes. I don't even know how I did that, it was in my pocket the whole time." <- lie, I just didn't want to say it was my ass.
"That is okay. Goodbye."
"Sorry about that, bye."

Sure enough, I look at my phone and I had indeed called 911. What the fuck, butt. What the fuck.

Man, what would have happened if I farted or something? The poor dispatchers at the nearby town might have thought I was calling to report a sudden artillery barrage by an emerging paramilitary skinhead group or something. Or terrorists.

tl;dr: I buttdialed 911 and the world needs to know.
Reply

You can no longer comment on this thread as it was closed due to no activity for a month.

Devious Comments

:iconpillory-hymn:
pillory-hymn Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
That badonkadonk is calling for help.

Donks have feelings to. You can't just abuse dat ass all day long with whatever extraneous activities you do in your free time.
Reply
:iconwigglewaddle:
WiggleWaddle Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
I don't think you would've got in trouble for pooting. Unless you're in the UK, then you'd probably get charged for verbal ASSault.
Reply
:iconautumnalessence:
AutumnalEssence Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
I forgot to lock my phone once, and while it was in my bag, two texts along the lines of "babskBDDVHJbchsj" were sent to my mum :lol:
Reply
:iconmatthewmatters:
MatthewMatters Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Professional General Artist
Eh. My touch-phone locks by a button on the side.
Reply
:iconcorvalian:
Corvalian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
Dude you could have killed somebody, there are real emergencies out there that your ass is taking time away from. Lock that shit up.
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Considering there's 19 buttons on the front of my phone, and it had to hit 9,1,1,call/ok, that gives it a one in 19^3*9.5 chance. Meaning this had less than 1/65000th chance of happening.
Reply
:iconcorvalian:
Corvalian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
...and it still happened!

Woa dude, what if that's like the most unlikely thing that will ever happen to you in your lifetime? Like, some people win the lottery, some people get extremely rare diseases, and you butt dialed 9-1-1 on your phone.
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
And the fact that I had to hit them in that order with my ass? Better add a couple zeroes to the end.
These are beyond lottery odds at that point.
Reply
:iconcorvalian:
Corvalian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
You'll never be that lucky ever again.
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Probably not. I'm glad I was able to celebrate it with everybody I don't know.
Reply
:iconcorvalian:
Corvalian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
I ain't celebrating shit with you.
Reply
:iconrockygems:
RockyGems Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student General Artist
Why do the forums not have a favorites button? D:
Reply
:iconbootypatrol:
BootyPatrol Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Bookmarks. Best friends 4 lyf brah.
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Because they all hate you.
Reply
:iconrockygems:
RockyGems Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student General Artist
And do not wish for the laughter to be preserved.
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nope.
Reply
:iconrockygems:
RockyGems Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student General Artist
Dang.
Reply
:iconbabushka-nipples:
Babushka-Nipples Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
I laughed so hard at this my friend noticed and I had to show him and now we're both laughing.
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:lol: Damn.
Reply
:iconajmadee:
ajmadee Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Student General Artist
Hahahahaha.
Reply
:iconskull123246:
skull123246 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oops. :XD:
Reply
:iconlobosabio:
LoboSabio Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
The only effect this thread had on me was to remind me that I need to plug my phone in and charge it.

Also: hurray for having an old ass dumb phone.
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Fuck. I need to do that too.
Reply
:icontheleaveshaveeyes:
theleaveshaveeyes Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Professional Photographer
I've done that with a touch screen. :iconstaresplz:
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your ass is truly a master.
Reply
:icontheleaveshaveeyes:
theleaveshaveeyes Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Professional Photographer
Actually, I think the phone was possessed. It called my scary abusive ex once. Eventually the touch screen was completely fucked so I couldn't text or do anything but make calls. Then I got my iPhone! :la:
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:noes: Ohgod. Bad phone, bad. Did you make sure to burn it when you got the new phone?
Reply
:icontheleaveshaveeyes:
theleaveshaveeyes Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Professional Photographer
I still have it in case someone swipes my iPhone.
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah that has a tendency of happening.
Reply
:icontheleaveshaveeyes:
theleaveshaveeyes Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Professional Photographer
I'm usually really good about keeping it in sight at all times, though. I can't get it insured because I bought it used.
Reply
:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I saw from a film it was a serious offence to false call. :O
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The worst that can happen is I get charged a fine on the phone bill, really.
Reply
:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh.. that's not too bad, I guess. :nod:
Reply
:iconwalkingren:
WalkingRen Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
:iconclapplz:
Reply
:iconkinrift:
Kinrift Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
Flip phones are superior. :nod:
Reply
:iconvi0letdreamer:
vi0letdreamer Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Student Photographer
Fuck you for making me laugh in the middle of class XP
Reply
:iconshantella:
Shantella Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
At least you didn't fart into the phone... oh no wait, that would be funny.

:iconderpplz::iconsaysplz: 911 what's your emergency?
:iconbuttplz::iconsaysplz: ffffftp
:iconderpplz::iconsaysplz: Sorry could you repeat that?
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:lmao: That is probably exactly how it went.
Reply
:iconmapper3:
mapper3 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Dat ass of yours probably knew about your endless array of felonies. RUN! RUN NOW!
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah I had totally tossed the body of a homeless person on the side of the road 30 min earlier. It's a habit, man. I can't break it.
Reply
:iconmapper3:
mapper3 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
XD
Reply
:icone-c-h:
e-c-h Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Professional General Artist
your ass was maybe telling you to visit a proctologist :lol: or to not eat burritos today :giggle:
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
But burritos are mui delicioso.
Reply
:icone-c-h:
e-c-h Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Professional General Artist
si, si XD
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No.
Reply
:icone-c-h:
e-c-h Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Professional General Artist
ok, no then XD
Reply
:iconnicolettethestrange:
Nicolettethestrange Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013
Hey could have been worse. You could have called someone while you were talking about them to someone else without even knowing... :lol: now there is a sticky situation!
Reply
:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Or I could have been making dead baby jokes.
Reply
:iconpsychogizmo:
psychogizmo Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
:lol:
Reply
:iconsbkmulletman:
sbkMulletMan Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013
Your phone made an emergency booty call to the police because it was being sexually ASSaulted.

Get your phone out of there, pervert!
Reply
Add a Comment: