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January 14, 2013
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My ass has declared a state of emergency.

:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Okay, so everybody who doesn't use some sort of touchphone or oldass flip-phone probably has the ongoing issue of having your phone call people while its in your pocket. Yes, there is a way to lock it before you put it in there, but most of us are entirely too lazy to do it.

Now, I'm driving back to my college, listening to something suitably brutal/epic, and I get a call from a phone number I don't recognize.
"Hello, is there an emergency?"
"um, no."
"Well we just got a call from this number."
"I didn't call 911."
"Your number is (XXX)XXX-XXXX, right?"
"Yes. I don't even know how I did that, it was in my pocket the whole time." <- lie, I just didn't want to say it was my ass.
"That is okay. Goodbye."
"Sorry about that, bye."

Sure enough, I look at my phone and I had indeed called 911. What the fuck, butt. What the fuck.

Man, what would have happened if I farted or something? The poor dispatchers at the nearby town might have thought I was calling to report a sudden artillery barrage by an emerging paramilitary skinhead group or something. Or terrorists.

tl;dr: I buttdialed 911 and the world needs to know.
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Devious Comments

:iconungodliness:
Ungodliness Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
That badonkadonk is calling for help.

Donks have feelings to. You can't just abuse dat ass all day long with whatever extraneous activities you do in your free time.
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:iconwigglewaddle:
WiggleWaddle Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
I don't think you would've got in trouble for pooting. Unless you're in the UK, then you'd probably get charged for verbal ASSault.
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:iconautumnalessence:
AutumnalEssence Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
I forgot to lock my phone once, and while it was in my bag, two texts along the lines of "babskBDDVHJbchsj" were sent to my mum :lol:
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:iconmatthewmatters:
MatthewMatters Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Professional General Artist
Eh. My touch-phone locks by a button on the side.
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:iconcorvalian:
Corvalian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
Dude you could have killed somebody, there are real emergencies out there that your ass is taking time away from. Lock that shit up.
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:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Considering there's 19 buttons on the front of my phone, and it had to hit 9,1,1,call/ok, that gives it a one in 19^3*9.5 chance. Meaning this had less than 1/65000th chance of happening.
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:iconcorvalian:
Corvalian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
...and it still happened!

Woa dude, what if that's like the most unlikely thing that will ever happen to you in your lifetime? Like, some people win the lottery, some people get extremely rare diseases, and you butt dialed 9-1-1 on your phone.
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:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
And the fact that I had to hit them in that order with my ass? Better add a couple zeroes to the end.
These are beyond lottery odds at that point.
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:iconcorvalian:
Corvalian Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
You'll never be that lucky ever again.
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:iconklaxonlithology:
KlaxonLithology Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Probably not. I'm glad I was able to celebrate it with everybody I don't know.
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