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How the hell do those trains have sex, anyway?
I mean, they have to, on account of they're sentient and they're not AI machines. But every time a train tries to kiss another train on the lips or cheek, a head-on collision happens and 30 or so people die.
In order for a steam train to reproduce, it'd have to...
[link] let's look at this diagram of a steam locomotive for instance. At the left is the entrance to the firebox. So, I can somewhat understand oral sex, which would involve, let's say, James removing the tinderbox from let's say Gordon's engine (if removing the tinderbox is even possible) and slowly creeping up from behind to lick the rim of the firebox, but not actually stick the tongue IN the firebox because that's fucking fire.
This would mean, of course, that if the trains have retractable penises that we don't know about, then for a male engine to fuck a female engine would require flame retardant penis coating. Even then, however, the female engine's cabin would be wrecked from the weight of her lover, and having a giant metal traindick in what's supposed to be your stomach/uterus would cause permanent damage. Plus, the only thing on a train capable of making a humping motion is used only for forward movement: [link]
So, with trains being some kind of semi-organic hybrid of machine and life that's completely alien from us save for the faces, let's say that the penis can be found under the tongue of male trains, and extends like a probe into the flaming vagina (which the male also has for some reason) to inseminate the female train.
Meanwhile, the Fat Controller/Mr. Topham Hat has to explain this to all the kids in the trainyard on tours.
And let's say the sperm DOESN'T instantly fucking die from the flaming deathhole of fossil fuels. Let's say that this is a cozy, nice place for a train to live, and the zygote grows up and begins to live inside the only container in the train capable of housing a train fetus, the boiler. If the female doesn't explode from the new resident in her boiler water, she will when she suddenly is ripped open by a whole other engine, which immediately can't fit on the tracks and falls to its death. Congratulations, the miracle of life!
But wait, what if they don't have mammalian reproduction? What if there are actually... train eggs?
You'd think so, but no. A zygotic train egg has to be both breakable by its fetus, and simultaneously, resistant to all the heat and smoke caused by the consumption of embryonic coal, so as to avoid premature birth.