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December 12, 2012
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Abe Lincoln: Fuck Machine

:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is a book, you guys: [link]

Abe Lincoln: Presidential Fuck Machine, is probably the single funniest thing ever written in the history of ever. I'm serious. I particularly like the bit where the Emperor of Japan thinks blowing up the moon and wrecking the tides will somehow save his ISLAND nation from invaders. But it's ok because Abe has cosmic cock powers that will save the day.

My complaint is that this masterpiece is only 34 pages long, and the sequel, Abe Lincoln: Ninja Fuck Master, has not yet been produced. We don't actually know if cosmic cock powers save the day. :(
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Devious Comments

:iconbenjamin-biddix:
Benjamin-Biddix Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I got my copy in today.....goddamn that was perfect.
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
According to this book, he was known as Gaybraham Lincoln. Not that this book is based in reality.
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:iconthemaideninblack:
TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
I am mostly amused by this image on that page you linked to. [link]
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:lol:
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:iconthemaideninblack:
TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
:XD: I keep giggling whenever I look at it. I will keep it as my webcam image for a while.
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:iconkorukikonaru:
KorukiKonaru Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
What the actual fuck? I know someone who'd be all over this.
Me...I honestly don't know whether I would. On the one hand it sounds hilarious, but on the other I don't think I could keep my sanity after that.
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:iconslytherinsheiress:
SlytherinsHeiress Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Professional Writer
LOL!

Now I've seen everything!
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:iconsapphire-ashesx:
Sapphire-Ashesx Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
..I don't even want to know.
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:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
34 pages? If it's not too cheap I'll get it. Sounds like a good read.
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's three bucks. And highly entertaining.
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:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
TO AMAZON

I MUST ORDER A COPY
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
DO IT. It's fucking amazing.
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:icontherearenoturkeys:
ThereAreNoTurkeys Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
Reminds me of this: [link]
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ha! I like the description.
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:iconpokey-bunny:
Pokey-Bunny Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know if I want or don't want... :stare:
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You want. The powers of Abe's cosmic cock are irresistable.
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:iconpokey-bunny:
Pokey-Bunny Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Where can I purchase this book? I'd rather not buy it online.
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's only in ebook form. It's too short and bizarre to be an actual book.
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:iconpokey-bunny:
Pokey-Bunny Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aw... Well, that means I can't get it. My dad might buy me crappy supernatural "romances" but he probably won't but me that.
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:iconlobosabio:
LoboSabio Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
Oh my God, that sounds amazing. I seriously need to read this.
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes. Yes you do. It's fabulous.
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:iconsynapticboomstick:
SynapticBoomstick Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. The next time I think an idea is too insane for a story, I'm going to use it. :lol:
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Do. Can't be any sillier than this.
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:icondawnsbreak:
DawnsBreak Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
I... what...
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:iconfixmeknow:
FixMeKnow Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
I really do think I need to read that.
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Me too.
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:iconbenjamin-biddix:
Benjamin-Biddix Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'd buy it. :la:
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:iconmajatek:
Majatek Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
50 shades of grey is going to have tough sales for a while. :lol:
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:icon0rg:
0rg Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
Somebody start a petition for Fifty Shades of Abe.
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I wish.
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional
So this is what it's come to, Aret?
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Horrible erotica is a guilty pleasure of mine.
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:icontimmy64:
timmy64 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
:icongrabbyhands: GIMME
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Here: [link]
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:icontimmy64:
timmy64 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
:icongrabbyhands:
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:iconphantasmastriker:
PhantasmaStriker Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
Um...wow.
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:iconmidnightmagnificent:
MidNightMagnificent Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I almost wanted to google that shit, but remembered just in time that I am on dA from a work computer. Um, the premise is weird. That's it. Just weird. I can buy the Vampire HUnter, or even rocket jumping bullshit, but this is insane.
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It is HILARIOUS. And not even slightly sexy. But hilarious.
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:iconmidnightmagnificent:
MidNightMagnificent Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'll take your word for it and download an ebook somewhere. Haha.
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:icondoctorowl:
DoctorOWL Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
This is like Hetalia to a whole new level
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh no. This is far, far more entertaining than that shit.
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:icontacosteev:
tacosteev Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist
Lincoln is the man!
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:iconkawaii-cookies:
kawaii-cookies Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Student General Artist
I gotta find that book :omg:
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's on Amazon: [link]

:meow:
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:iconkawaii-cookies:
kawaii-cookies Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Student General Artist
THANKS! :dummy:
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:iconsbkmulletman:
sbkMulletMan Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
I'll take eight!

Gimme-Gimme!
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:iconwheezergirl:
wheezergirl Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
So now Lincoln is always honest, a vampire hunter, and can defeat Japanese overlords with the power of his cock.


Dear lord what has happened to historical fiction and why do I find it awesome. :lol:
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:iconaret:
Aret Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Don't forget that he's not just Abraham Lincoln, he's also Baberaham Lincoln. xD
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