Social Focus on Love: Isn't it a bit wrong?
People keep talking about stuff in society that makes them sad, like gender inequality or a lack of understanding between generations or whatever and those do make me sad too.
But what really makes me worry is how geared towards relationships we all are. It’s run throughout history really, through music, TV, cinema and literature. Like most popular books, or even books in the literary canon, include some kind of love story whether it’s as subtext or not. We get sad if a character ends up alone at the end. I’ve noticed most problems here on tumbr, whether it’s loneliness or depression or whatever all seem to link back to that person feeling they need a partner.
And I’m not saying that love isn’t great, it is. I’m lucky enough to have it right now. I don’t know if I always will but I’m optimistic that I’ll get through any tough patches. If not, that’s fine too. I don’t want it to end, but that’s life.
I’ve noticed that I always fall into that same trap everyone else here seems to. If something happens, like if Im in a bad mood I’ll lay all responsibility on making it better on my relationship. Equally if I get jealous or cant talk or see him for a while I get paranoid and upset and feel like my life is awful.
I think we need to realise it isn’t. Yes, these “other halves” are important. But you are an individual whether they are there or not. Whether you have a partner or not, that doesn’t change loneliness. I should know, I still get just as lonely as I did before.
I wouldn’t have realised this without having him in my life, and I know I would have continued feeling like I needed someone there. But I shouldn’t. My whole life would have been focussed towards this big epic romance that Disney set out for me, which just isn’t how it works. And I’m just starting to re arrange my thought patterns so that I can quit doing that.
Just because I’m not obsessed doesn’t mean I don’t care. Just because I know I can get over a break up, doesn’t mean I don’t think it will be heartbreaking. But there are bigger things I want in my life. And I don’t mean a job, I mean experiences. Meeting new people from different cultures, and going places where no people live.
I want adventure in my life, and love just isn’t an adventure. It’s a home.
But what really makes me worry is how geared towards relationships we all are. It’s run throughout history really, through music, TV, cinema and literature. Like most popular books, or even books in the literary canon, include some kind of love story whether it’s as subtext or not. We get sad if a character ends up alone at the end. I’ve noticed most problems here on tumbr, whether it’s loneliness or depression or whatever all seem to link back to that person feeling they need a partner.
And I’m not saying that love isn’t great, it is. I’m lucky enough to have it right now. I don’t know if I always will but I’m optimistic that I’ll get through any tough patches. If not, that’s fine too. I don’t want it to end, but that’s life.
I’ve noticed that I always fall into that same trap everyone else here seems to. If something happens, like if Im in a bad mood I’ll lay all responsibility on making it better on my relationship. Equally if I get jealous or cant talk or see him for a while I get paranoid and upset and feel like my life is awful.
I think we need to realise it isn’t. Yes, these “other halves” are important. But you are an individual whether they are there or not. Whether you have a partner or not, that doesn’t change loneliness. I should know, I still get just as lonely as I did before.
I wouldn’t have realised this without having him in my life, and I know I would have continued feeling like I needed someone there. But I shouldn’t. My whole life would have been focussed towards this big epic romance that Disney set out for me, which just isn’t how it works. And I’m just starting to re arrange my thought patterns so that I can quit doing that.
Just because I’m not obsessed doesn’t mean I don’t care. Just because I know I can get over a break up, doesn’t mean I don’t think it will be heartbreaking. But there are bigger things I want in my life. And I don’t mean a job, I mean experiences. Meeting new people from different cultures, and going places where no people live.
I want adventure in my life, and love just isn’t an adventure. It’s a home.
Comments114
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Well, I'd say that the problem isn't really how geared towards relationships media is, rather how people are being indoctrinated with non-existent relationships. Movie-relationships and The Mythical Great Love Of Your Life that will in a magical way make your life wonderful and make you a happy and balanced individual without any real effort on your behalf. This makes some people and especially kiddies between 15 and 25 unable to deal with their partners as real people instead of magical-fix-me-ups which is a recipe for being forever alone. And then we get them in the HWL-forum whining about how every person of the opposite gender is horrible, conceited and is totally missing out on their awesomeness when they really only care about what they think these people will do for them.
I don't understand society's fixation on it, either. What really grinds my gears is when people misuse and abuse the word entirely. For example: 12 year old children telling each other, "I love you, I want to be by your side forever." I mean, you've got your whole life for that. Enjoy being a kid. God, that really gets me going. I'm often ashamed of a lot of my generation.
Tell me more about this emotion you call love.
You can say that again.
I can but won't 
Ohm, it's like that is it? It's on.
You just made my shit list, buddy. I'm not sure why, but there you are. I didn't even write your name down on it, it just got there somehow. I'm kinda freaking out here.
View all replies
You can never exaggerate the meaning of love to for people. I think that the problem is rather how the rather specific romantic love has been made up to be able to replace all other kinds of love that we as humans can have for each other. The problem is that one person can't fulfill all the needs of another.
Love being a home or not really depends on the nature of the relationship. My parents are super-hardcore Catholics, so it's probably not a good idea to let them know I have a boyfriend until I'm out of the house and independent.
i agree SO much with you. and that ending quote thing "I want adventure in my life, and love just isn’t an adventure. It’s a home" is the best quote ever. may i use that quote??
sure can if you credit me 
yay
Nobody knows how to be self-reliant these days, that's why.
Actually, physical contact relieves stress almost instantly (faster and better than any drug available to man), releases every "happy hormone" your body has, including oxytocin, the "bonding and trust" hormone, defuses overly intense emotions and allows greater focus.
Having someone likeminded to talk to keeps you rational and realistic and allows you to grow as an individual far more than talking to someone with a completely different POV ever will.
Now add the fact that we live in a cold and alienating society where even brushing another human being is "sexual harrassment". Humans are social animals in a non-social environment. Many don't really have another human to turn to. And they long for it. Is it any wonder that people seek the solutions to their problems in ill-conceived views of romance?
Having someone likeminded to talk to keeps you rational and realistic and allows you to grow as an individual far more than talking to someone with a completely different POV ever will.
Now add the fact that we live in a cold and alienating society where even brushing another human being is "sexual harrassment". Humans are social animals in a non-social environment. Many don't really have another human to turn to. And they long for it. Is it any wonder that people seek the solutions to their problems in ill-conceived views of romance?
Yes but like drugs it's a temporary solution, that you can also gain from friends or family. You have to treat the cause, not the effect.
I understand those that have no family, but it saddens me that the importance and healing qualities of a strong friendship group hold goes unnoticed (not necessarily a large group)
I understand those that have no family, but it saddens me that the importance and healing qualities of a strong friendship group hold goes unnoticed (not necessarily a large group)
For a lot of outcasts family are considered "the evil" and friends almost always end up disappearing or falling out, though. What I'm wondering is how they KEEP faith in romance. Everything that disappoints them is rejected (friends fall out, family angers, pets die...), but romance, no matter how many times it hurts them, is seen as the pinnacle of human social interaction. Maybe it's because even a purely sexual relationship feels so good while it lasts. Maybe humans largely lack the ability to dislike/avoid romance, due to biological pressures. Who knows. *shrug* But it IS odd how those who are disappointed in everything still feel romance is worth striving for.
Roasted Chicken tastes good.
CHICKEN NUGGETS 4 LYF
We are animals.
Our instincts are to eat and reproduce. We are genetically predisposed to try and find a mate. Hence, love.
Our instincts are to eat and reproduce. We are genetically predisposed to try and find a mate. Hence, love.
hey, heeeeey. speak for yourself :/
it isnt that it's how people see it as a solution for unconnected problems that worries me. Sorry for my bad wording.