Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Details

Closed to new replies
December 8, 2012
Link

Statistics

Replies: 113

Social Focus on Love: Isn't it a bit wrong?

:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Student General Artist
People keep talking about stuff in society that makes them sad, like gender inequality or a lack of understanding between generations or whatever and those do make me sad too.

But what really makes me worry is how geared towards relationships we all are. Itís run throughout history really, through music, TV, cinema and literature. Like most popular books, or even books in the literary canon, include some kind of love story whether itís as subtext or not. We get sad if a character ends up alone at the end. Iíve noticed most problems here on tumbr, whether itís loneliness or depression or whatever all seem to link back to that person feeling they need a partner.

And Iím not saying that love isnít great, it is. Iím lucky enough to have it right now. I donít know if I always will but Iím optimistic that Iíll get through any tough patches. If not, thatís fine too. I donít want it to end, but thatís life.

Iíve noticed that I always fall into that same trap everyone else here seems to. If something happens, like if Im in a bad mood Iíll lay all responsibility on making it better on my relationship. Equally if I get jealous or cant talk or see him for a while I get paranoid and upset and feel like my life is awful.

I think we need to realise it isnít. Yes, these ďother halvesĒ are important. But you are an individual whether they are there or not. Whether you have a partner or not, that doesnít change loneliness. I should know, I still get just as lonely as I did before.

I wouldnít have realised this without having him in my life, and I know I would have continued feeling like I needed someone there. But I shouldnít. My whole life would have been focussed towards this big epic romance that Disney set out for me, which just isnít how it works. And Iím just starting to re arrange my thought patterns so that I can quit doing that.

Just because Iím not obsessed doesnít mean I donít care. Just because I know I can get over a break up, doesnít mean I donít think it will be heartbreaking. But there are bigger things I want in my life. And I donít mean a job, I mean experiences. Meeting new people from different cultures, and going places where no people live.

I want adventure in my life, and love just isnít an adventure. Itís a home.
Reply

You can no longer comment on this thread as it was closed due to no activity for a month.

Devious Comments

:iconferaltao:
FeralTao Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
Well, I'd say that the problem isn't really how geared towards relationships media is, rather how people are being indoctrinated with non-existent relationships. Movie-relationships and The Mythical Great Love Of Your Life that will in a magical way make your life wonderful and make you a happy and balanced individual without any real effort on your behalf. This makes some people and especially kiddies between 15 and 25 unable to deal with their partners as real people instead of magical-fix-me-ups which is a recipe for being forever alone. And then we get them in the HWL-forum whining about how every person of the opposite gender is horrible, conceited and is totally missing out on their awesomeness when they really only care about what they think these people will do for them.
Reply
:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
+1
Reply
:iconmaxwellsmaart:
MaxwellSmaart Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
I don't understand society's fixation on it, either. What really grinds my gears is when people misuse and abuse the word entirely. For example: 12 year old children telling each other, "I love you, I want to be by your side forever." I mean, you've got your whole life for that. Enjoy being a kid. God, that really gets me going. I'm often ashamed of a lot of my generation.
Reply
:iconbullet-magnet:
Bullet-Magnet Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
Tell me more about this emotion you call love.
Reply
:iconmaxwellsmaart:
MaxwellSmaart Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
You can say that again.
Reply
:iconbullet-magnet:
Bullet-Magnet Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
I can but won't :cough:
Reply
:iconmaxwellsmaart:
MaxwellSmaart Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
:shrug:
Reply
:iconbullet-magnet:
Bullet-Magnet Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
Ohm, it's like that is it? It's on.
Reply
:iconmaxwellsmaart:
MaxwellSmaart Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
:|
Reply
:iconbullet-magnet:
Bullet-Magnet Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
You just made my shit list, buddy. I'm not sure why, but there you are. I didn't even write your name down on it, it just got there somehow. I'm kinda freaking out here.
Reply
:iconmaxwellsmaart:
MaxwellSmaart Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
That's some creepy shit. Sorry, man.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconbergholtz:
Bergholtz Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Professional General Artist
You can never exaggerate the meaning of love to for people. I think that the problem is rather how the rather specific romantic love has been made up to be able to replace all other kinds of love that we as humans can have for each other. The problem is that one person can't fulfill all the needs of another.
Reply
:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Love being a home or not really depends on the nature of the relationship. My parents are super-hardcore Catholics, so it's probably not a good idea to let them know I have a boyfriend until I'm out of the house and independent.
Reply
:iconvampirenyan:
VampireNyan Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i agree SO much with you. and that ending quote thing "I want adventure in my life, and love just isn’t an adventure. It’s a home" is the best quote ever. may i use that quote??
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student General Artist
sure can if you credit me ;)
Reply
:iconvampirenyan:
VampireNyan Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yay:iconyaayplz:
Reply
:iconsapphire-ashesx:
Sapphire-Ashesx Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Nobody knows how to be self-reliant these days, that's why.
Reply
:iconmonochromaticmoose:
MonochromaticMoose Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Actually, physical contact relieves stress almost instantly (faster and better than any drug available to man), releases every "happy hormone" your body has, including oxytocin, the "bonding and trust" hormone, defuses overly intense emotions and allows greater focus.

Having someone likeminded to talk to keeps you rational and realistic and allows you to grow as an individual far more than talking to someone with a completely different POV ever will.

Now add the fact that we live in a cold and alienating society where even brushing another human being is "sexual harrassment". Humans are social animals in a non-social environment. Many don't really have another human to turn to. And they long for it. Is it any wonder that people seek the solutions to their problems in ill-conceived views of romance?
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student General Artist
Yes but like drugs it's a temporary solution, that you can also gain from friends or family. You have to treat the cause, not the effect.

I understand those that have no family, but it saddens me that the importance and healing qualities of a strong friendship group hold goes unnoticed (not necessarily a large group)
Reply
:iconmonochromaticmoose:
MonochromaticMoose Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
For a lot of outcasts family are considered "the evil" and friends almost always end up disappearing or falling out, though. What I'm wondering is how they KEEP faith in romance. Everything that disappoints them is rejected (friends fall out, family angers, pets die...), but romance, no matter how many times it hurts them, is seen as the pinnacle of human social interaction. Maybe it's because even a purely sexual relationship feels so good while it lasts. Maybe humans largely lack the ability to dislike/avoid romance, due to biological pressures. Who knows. *shrug* But it IS odd how those who are disappointed in everything still feel romance is worth striving for.
Reply
:iconpinkmitten:
Pinkmitten Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Roasted Chicken tastes good.
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student General Artist
CHICKEN NUGGETS 4 LYF
Reply
:iconmercury-crowe:
Mercury-Crowe Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
We are animals.

Our instincts are to eat and reproduce. We are genetically predisposed to try and find a mate. Hence, love.
Reply
:iconmelodymoose:
MelodyMoose Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hey, heeeeey. speak for yourself :/
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student General Artist
it isnt that it's how people see it as a solution for unconnected problems that worries me. Sorry for my bad wording.
Reply
:icontheleaveshaveeyes:
theleaveshaveeyes Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Professional Photographer
Our two primal instincts drive us to two things: Food and fucking. Love often includes fucking. (And food if you're in a relationship with a great cook :la: )

People are obsessed with love because we're animals and animals like to fuck and procreate. Fucking is great and love is pretty cool too.
Reply
:iconstaple-salad:
staple-salad Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Now I want to see a movie all about the tragic story of a guy wanting to find his true sandwich. There would be contenders, but none of them quite right until he meets the sandwich of his dreams.
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student General Artist
it isnt that it's how people see it as a solution for unconnected problems that worries me. Sorry for my bad wording.
Reply
:icontheleaveshaveeyes:
theleaveshaveeyes Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Professional Photographer
Relationships and love when done right are very fulfilling and can bring extra happiness to all aspects of life.
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student General Artist
that is true, but it cant cure anxiety, depression and other common ailments that people assume it can.
Reply
:icontheleaveshaveeyes:
theleaveshaveeyes Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Professional Photographer
I've never heard anyone say it will "cure" anything. Except young teenagers.
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student General Artist
plenty of girls and women on tumblr still use similar language that indicates they still believe it, and those that claim not to appear bitter and long for relationships. idk
Reply
:icontheleaveshaveeyes:
theleaveshaveeyes Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Professional Photographer
Tumblr =/= real life.
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Student General Artist
that was just an example, I know too many people in real life that dont value other relationships anywhere near as much as romantic ones.
Reply
:iconnoxxbunny:
NoxxBunny Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It may not "cure" those conditions by itself, it is incredibly helpful to have someone there. I used to be horribly anxious about going outside(with the exception of school. False sense of security and all that.)and my boyfriend has been great for helping me to slowly get over it these past 3 years. I used to have panic attacks even just trying to go down the street with my friends. And now I can barely even remember the last time I was that anxious about anything, really.

To me, it's just a different feeling. It's like it means more to me because I know that he doesn't have to put up with my problems and he can leave me any time, but he doesn't. Even though there's really nothing in it for him, he helps me just because he wants me to be happy.

I don't know if I just had a bad therapist, but I feel like my relationship has helped my problems much more than professional help ever did. I worried that I'd get too dependent on him, but shockingly I haven't. He's been away at college on the other side of the country and I haven't gone back to the way I was. I guess I can say that he helped me help myself in a way that I don't think friends could have.
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Student General Artist
well you're one of the few cases, and I dont understand why people wont let their friends similarly support them. Or their family. idk Im worrying about a group logic I cant change
Reply
:iconnoxxbunny:
NoxxBunny Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Because friends and family aren't the same thing and they don't give the same feelings. If they did, people wouldn't want relationships.
Reply
:iconlionx-rampant:
LionX-rampant Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Or just food fucking in general. Like that one movie with the guy who sticks his dick in a pie.

Unintentional rhyming.
Reply
:iconpenhuin:
Penhuin Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well....

I LOVE YOU!
Reply
:iconkoyukuk:
Koyukuk Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
FUCK OFF BITCH< THEY"RE MINE :stare:
Reply
:iconpenhuin:
Penhuin Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
YOU'RE TOO LATE!
Reply
:iconkoyukuk:
Koyukuk Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THEIR LOVE
Reply
:iconpenhuin:
Penhuin Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
FINE THEN! I'LL GO ON A LOVE ADVENTURE!
Reply
:iconkoyukuk:
Koyukuk Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ADVENTURE TIME?!
Reply
:iconpenhuin:
Penhuin Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
SURE
Reply
:iconkoyukuk:
Koyukuk Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconadventuretimeplz:
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student General Artist
SHIIIIIIT
Reply
:iconpenhuin:
Penhuin Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
EMBRACE IT!
Reply
:iconalbeenocookie:
AlbeenoCookie Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Student General Artist
*GLOMPS IT* IT'S SO WARM OMG @@
Reply
:iconpenhuin:
Penhuin Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:la:
Reply
Add a Comment: