Telling the truth = bad friend?
Have you ever been told you're a bad friend, only because you told the person your honest feelings or thoughts?
I have experienced this with some certain people I call or have called friends, and I can't for the life of me understand how me not lying to them makes me a bad friend.
It's not like I'm telling them how I truly feel with the purpose of hurting their feelings. I tell them the truth because I wouldn't want my friends lying to me, so therefore I don't lie to them.
But here's the thing: it doesn't matter how many times I explain that to them, they STILL get offended. They know very well that I will not lie just to make them happy, since they know just as much as I do that they will get MORE offended if they found out I had been lying them straight in the face.
Seriously... what the fuck?
I have experienced this with some certain people I call or have called friends, and I can't for the life of me understand how me not lying to them makes me a bad friend.
It's not like I'm telling them how I truly feel with the purpose of hurting their feelings. I tell them the truth because I wouldn't want my friends lying to me, so therefore I don't lie to them.
But here's the thing: it doesn't matter how many times I explain that to them, they STILL get offended. They know very well that I will not lie just to make them happy, since they know just as much as I do that they will get MORE offended if they found out I had been lying them straight in the face.
Seriously... what the fuck?
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I feel your pain.
I value honesty so things can go blunt.
And yeah.. they don't like it too.
But don't worry, my best friend is used to my bluntness so I really have no problem.
I value honesty so things can go blunt.
And yeah.. they don't like it too.
But don't worry, my best friend is used to my bluntness so I really have no problem.
I am glad someone feels it, too. Although it's kinda sad that we do, dontcha think? 
My closest friends are used to my bluntness as well, but some are just... meh. XD
My closest friends are used to my bluntness as well, but some are just... meh. XD
It really depends on the situation.
If you ever got a nice goat, A new bag, a job, an new haircut, a new relationship won an contest.
There is a big chance one of your many friends don't care or don't like it. But it's kind of a dick mood to be negative when a friend is so happy. So it's not going to hurt anyone just by lying to show your friend your happy for them. If you don't like Justin Bieber music ? Fine but then don't go on a rant if your friend is happy she is going to a concert with her sister of Bieber that she won.
If you ever got a nice goat, A new bag, a job, an new haircut, a new relationship won an contest.
There is a big chance one of your many friends don't care or don't like it. But it's kind of a dick mood to be negative when a friend is so happy. So it's not going to hurt anyone just by lying to show your friend your happy for them. If you don't like Justin Bieber music ? Fine but then don't go on a rant if your friend is happy she is going to a concert with her sister of Bieber that she won.
Why not simply get new friends? Besides, a good friend would lie for you. Not to you.
i do agree but it depends on how hurtful the truth is going to be. for example i eat alot and i know if i keep doing it not only will i be dead before im 50 but my life is going to be miserable and im already showing signs of being a fat ass.
yet if a friend said that to me id probably think there being an asshole rather then a friend even if they said it was to be a good friend. so just be careful how you put it.
yet if a friend said that to me id probably think there being an asshole rather then a friend even if they said it was to be a good friend. so just be careful how you put it.
Well, if you are aware of that you eat alot and if you don't stop eating like that you will die before you're 50, and if you say this in front of your friends... if I was your friend, I would have said something like this: "well, if you think you need to lose weight and cut down on eating so much, why don't you join me for my daily walks? It'll be good for you, and you will feel much better. ^^ And hey, why not join me when I go to the gym? 
"
However... if you complain and complain about your problem with overeating and do nothing about it, and if I as your friend did nothing to make you realize what you're doing to yourself, I might have to attend your funeral a few years later. Would that be better?
"However... if you complain and complain about your problem with overeating and do nothing about it, and if I as your friend did nothing to make you realize what you're doing to yourself, I might have to attend your funeral a few years later. Would that be better?
no not complaining i just saying even know thats my situation if someone were to point it out in that manner it wouldn't sound to great. honestly i dont really mind my situation because i do excercise alot its just a a bad diet thats all.
but yeah how you put it is good.the point i was really trying to make was how you say things is everything and really can alot of the time be responcibile for how a person reacts to whats been said.
what weve said is a good example. how i first put my situation if a friend said hat id probably get rather angry at him. but if he put it like you did id be happy that he cares that much. see my point?
but honestly if you were that nice about it, id say your friend is either very tempremental or has some serous issues. either way i wouldn't say its anything you did.
but yeah how you put it is good.the point i was really trying to make was how you say things is everything and really can alot of the time be responcibile for how a person reacts to whats been said.
what weve said is a good example. how i first put my situation if a friend said hat id probably get rather angry at him. but if he put it like you did id be happy that he cares that much. see my point?
but honestly if you were that nice about it, id say your friend is either very tempremental or has some serous issues. either way i wouldn't say its anything you did.
Nah, you're fine. As a bad friend I don't believe that by telling them the truth you're hurting them. I could be worse, you could be like me and have no actual concern for your friendships. I have been told many times that I'm a bad friend. I blame the fact that I don't care.
Personally I'd rather be told the truth so I can avoid embarrassing myself in front of people who wouldn't laugh it off like my friends would. Who would want a friend who lies to them all the time?
Exactly! 
It's incredibly hard to judge, based on nothing more than one post on the Internet, but... If it is several of your friends, and it keeps happening, I think you might be doing something not quite right.
What that could be, I have no idea.
What that could be, I have no idea.
Not several of my friends, but some. Most of them I haven't spoken to in ages. 
Well it depends what you're talking about here. Like if the truth you're talking about is something important, then tell it. But if it's something that might offend them and isn't altogether important, well generally we as people tend to not want to offend our friends, and generally we as people tend to use tact at times like that, instead of just telling your friends that they suck/smell/are an idiot/etc. Regularly doing that will probably ensure you have little friends. But once again it all depends, and since you really didn't explain I can't really say much more than that.
If someone is acting like an idiot/douche/asshole, I will tell them. And I will also explain why. A real friend should be able to appreciate being dragged back to the ground and face reality instead of me letting them live with a lie. And if I may say so, when friends act like idiots, it's important to tell them so they can do something about it.
Of course I use tact if it might be something sensitive to talk about, but I still don't sugarcoat things to make it less real. However, I see your point, and I swear that is not the issue. Some of my friends get offended no matter how I say it or no matter what it is about.
And frankly, I don't need thousands of friend, those are generally just fake. A few close friends who appreciate me for who I am is all I need.
Of course I use tact if it might be something sensitive to talk about, but I still don't sugarcoat things to make it less real. However, I see your point, and I swear that is not the issue. Some of my friends get offended no matter how I say it or no matter what it is about.
And frankly, I don't need thousands of friend, those are generally just fake. A few close friends who appreciate me for who I am is all I need.
True, if they are acting like an idiot that's one reason to tell the truth, however also depending on the reason why regulates exactly how you tell that truth.
While I agree that your last statement is totally true, holding to always the truth all the time isn't exactly reasonable either. I'll give this example. A child come up to you very excited about something they just made, it looks like a piece of shit, do you tell them that, or lie and tell them it looks good, etc.
While I agree that your last statement is totally true, holding to always the truth all the time isn't exactly reasonable either. I'll give this example. A child come up to you very excited about something they just made, it looks like a piece of shit, do you tell them that, or lie and tell them it looks good, etc.
If a child, let's say my nephew, came and gave me something he made, I will cherish it and no matter how "ugly" it is, I will not say it's ugly. ^^ Also, I say thanks and say "You must've worked really hard making this, huh?" and then smile at him.
But that wasn't what the OP was about, really. It was about friends getting pissy when I tell them the truth. (Something I forgot to mention in the OP was that this usually is an issue after they ask for my opinion about whatever, and STILL get offended even if I warn them beforehand that they might not like what I have to say.)
But that wasn't what the OP was about, really. It was about friends getting pissy when I tell them the truth. (Something I forgot to mention in the OP was that this usually is an issue after they ask for my opinion about whatever, and STILL get offended even if I warn them beforehand that they might not like what I have to say.)
But in that instance you are lying to the child, and isn't lying to a child much worse?
Yeah, you did, it really is hard to tell what you're talking about because it was all so vague. That was a little better, but still pretty vague, so it really is hard to say whether or not it's right or not. I mean in the case of the little kid, he asked for an opinion too, but you chose not to tell him that his art was crap.
Yeah, you did, it really is hard to tell what you're talking about because it was all so vague. That was a little better, but still pretty vague, so it really is hard to say whether or not it's right or not. I mean in the case of the little kid, he asked for an opinion too, but you chose not to tell him that his art was crap.
It's not lying when I say thank you and not saying it's ugly (but then again, ugliness is subjective, right?). And I always cherish gifts, no matter who gave it to me or how "ugly" it looks. ^^
Nah, you didn't say he asked for an opinion. You said he was excited about something he made.
Here's a concrete example: a friend of mine always complained about her weight and "how fat" she was (she wasn't fat, but a little overweight) and that she couldn't understand why she kept gaining weight. I first jokingly suggested she was pregnant, which she laughed at and said no. Then I asked what she does to not gain weight, if she exercises and such. Then she said she didn't do those things at all. That's when I decided to just tell her that THAT might be the reason she's gaining weight and that she might need to consider to change her eating habits and maybe start going to the gym or such. And then I added "if you complain about how you look but do nothing about it, maybe it's about time you did." The reason I decided to be so blunt with her was that we had been friends for many many years, and I was kind of fed up with her constant complaints about herself but in the end did nothing to make it better.
I know she got angry with me, but I decided it was best to drag her back to reality rather than sugarcoating it and lie.
And today she is actually starting to get in shape, and goes to the gym at least once a week. ^^ So even if she got upset with me being so bluntly honest with her, it actually helped her in the end. (However, she never thanked me for being honest with her, while everyone else was sugarcoating it. 
)
Nah, you didn't say he asked for an opinion. You said he was excited about something he made.
Here's a concrete example: a friend of mine always complained about her weight and "how fat" she was (she wasn't fat, but a little overweight) and that she couldn't understand why she kept gaining weight. I first jokingly suggested she was pregnant, which she laughed at and said no. Then I asked what she does to not gain weight, if she exercises and such. Then she said she didn't do those things at all. That's when I decided to just tell her that THAT might be the reason she's gaining weight and that she might need to consider to change her eating habits and maybe start going to the gym or such. And then I added "if you complain about how you look but do nothing about it, maybe it's about time you did." The reason I decided to be so blunt with her was that we had been friends for many many years, and I was kind of fed up with her constant complaints about herself but in the end did nothing to make it better.
I know she got angry with me, but I decided it was best to drag her back to reality rather than sugarcoating it and lie.
And today she is actually starting to get in shape, and goes to the gym at least once a week. ^^ So even if she got upset with me being so bluntly honest with her, it actually helped her in the end.
(However, she never thanked me for being honest with her, while everyone else was sugarcoating it. )Ok, kid asks you whether Santa is real.
And in the situation, it was ugly that's the truth, you don't get to dance around it by saying that it is subjective, because in that situation, you subjectively thought it was ugly.
And in the situation, it was ugly that's the truth, you don't get to dance around it by saying that it is subjective, because in that situation, you subjectively thought it was ugly.
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First off, just-- no.
If they don't want the harsh truth, so be it. Don't dwell on the undeserving. It's a bad habit, and you can become "the undeserving".
If they don't want the harsh truth, so be it. Don't dwell on the undeserving. It's a bad habit, and you can become "the undeserving".
May sound condescending but it's very evident that these people aren't someone who you should bother associating with. Unless you also want to live in a sugar coated reality and pander to their wants instead of needs - it's going to leave you feeling very exhausted.
It's not condescending at all. In fact, I kind of agree with you.
I don't like associating with people in general, because I'm very anti-social.
Or rather: I'm not anti-social, I just can't stand people and their silly problems.
I don't like associating with people in general, because I'm very anti-social.
Or rather: I'm not anti-social, I just can't stand people and their silly problems.
