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December 7, 2012
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Telling the truth = bad friend?

:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Have you ever been told you're a bad friend, only because you told the person your honest feelings or thoughts?
I have experienced this with some certain people I call or have called friends, and I can't for the life of me understand how me not lying to them makes me a bad friend.

It's not like I'm telling them how I truly feel with the purpose of hurting their feelings. I tell them the truth because I wouldn't want my friends lying to me, so therefore I don't lie to them.

But here's the thing: it doesn't matter how many times I explain that to them, they STILL get offended. They know very well that I will not lie just to make them happy, since they know just as much as I do that they will get MORE offended if they found out I had been lying them straight in the face.

Seriously... what the fuck?
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Devious Comments

:iconmaltese101:
maltese101 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Student General Artist
I feel your pain.

I value honesty so things can go blunt.

And yeah.. they don't like it too.

But don't worry, my best friend is used to my bluntness so I really have no problem.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I am glad someone feels it, too. Although it's kinda sad that we do, dontcha think? ;P

My closest friends are used to my bluntness as well, but some are just... meh. XD
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:iconkell0x:
Kell0x Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Student General Artist
It really depends on the situation.

If you ever got a nice goat, A new bag, a job, an new haircut, a new relationship won an contest.
There is a big chance one of your many friends don't care or don't like it. But it's kind of a dick mood to be negative when a friend is so happy. So it's not going to hurt anyone just by lying to show your friend your happy for them. If you don't like Justin Bieber music ? Fine but then don't go on a rant if your friend is happy she is going to a concert with her sister of Bieber that she won.
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:iconraidenprime:
raidenprime Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
Why not simply get new friends? Besides, a good friend would lie for you. Not to you.
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:iconscorpafied:
scorpafied Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
i do agree but it depends on how hurtful the truth is going to be. for example i eat alot and i know if i keep doing it not only will i be dead before im 50 but my life is going to be miserable and im already showing signs of being a fat ass.

yet if a friend said that to me id probably think there being an asshole rather then a friend even if they said it was to be a good friend. so just be careful how you put it.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, if you are aware of that you eat alot and if you don't stop eating like that you will die before you're 50, and if you say this in front of your friends... if I was your friend, I would have said something like this: "well, if you think you need to lose weight and cut down on eating so much, why don't you join me for my daily walks? It'll be good for you, and you will feel much better. ^^ And hey, why not join me when I go to the gym? :)"

However... if you complain and complain about your problem with overeating and do nothing about it, and if I as your friend did nothing to make you realize what you're doing to yourself, I might have to attend your funeral a few years later. Would that be better?
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:iconscorpafied:
scorpafied Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
no not complaining i just saying even know thats my situation if someone were to point it out in that manner it wouldn't sound to great. honestly i dont really mind my situation because i do excercise alot its just a a bad diet thats all.

but yeah how you put it is good.the point i was really trying to make was how you say things is everything and really can alot of the time be responcibile for how a person reacts to whats been said.

what weve said is a good example. how i first put my situation if a friend said hat id probably get rather angry at him. but if he put it like you did id be happy that he cares that much. see my point?

but honestly if you were that nice about it, id say your friend is either very tempremental or has some serous issues. either way i wouldn't say its anything you did.
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:icondeizzan:
Deizzan Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
Nah, you're fine. As a bad friend I don't believe that by telling them the truth you're hurting them. I could be worse, you could be like me and have no actual concern for your friendships. I have been told many times that I'm a bad friend. I blame the fact that I don't care.
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:iconsmarticleparticle:
SmarticleParticle Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Personally I'd rather be told the truth so I can avoid embarrassing myself in front of people who wouldn't laugh it off like my friends would. Who would want a friend who lies to them all the time?
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Exactly! :iconfacebooklikeplz:
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It's incredibly hard to judge, based on nothing more than one post on the Internet, but... If it is several of your friends, and it keeps happening, I think you might be doing something not quite right.
What that could be, I have no idea.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Not several of my friends, but some. Most of them I haven't spoken to in ages. :D
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012   Digital Artist
Well it depends what you're talking about here. Like if the truth you're talking about is something important, then tell it. But if it's something that might offend them and isn't altogether important, well generally we as people tend to not want to offend our friends, and generally we as people tend to use tact at times like that, instead of just telling your friends that they suck/smell/are an idiot/etc. Regularly doing that will probably ensure you have little friends. But once again it all depends, and since you really didn't explain I can't really say much more than that.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If someone is acting like an idiot/douche/asshole, I will tell them. And I will also explain why. A real friend should be able to appreciate being dragged back to the ground and face reality instead of me letting them live with a lie. And if I may say so, when friends act like idiots, it's important to tell them so they can do something about it.

Of course I use tact if it might be something sensitive to talk about, but I still don't sugarcoat things to make it less real. However, I see your point, and I swear that is not the issue. Some of my friends get offended no matter how I say it or no matter what it is about.

And frankly, I don't need thousands of friend, those are generally just fake. A few close friends who appreciate me for who I am is all I need.
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012   Digital Artist
True, if they are acting like an idiot that's one reason to tell the truth, however also depending on the reason why regulates exactly how you tell that truth.

While I agree that your last statement is totally true, holding to always the truth all the time isn't exactly reasonable either. I'll give this example. A child come up to you very excited about something they just made, it looks like a piece of shit, do you tell them that, or lie and tell them it looks good, etc.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If a child, let's say my nephew, came and gave me something he made, I will cherish it and no matter how "ugly" it is, I will not say it's ugly. ^^ Also, I say thanks and say "You must've worked really hard making this, huh?" and then smile at him.

But that wasn't what the OP was about, really. It was about friends getting pissy when I tell them the truth. (Something I forgot to mention in the OP was that this usually is an issue after they ask for my opinion about whatever, and STILL get offended even if I warn them beforehand that they might not like what I have to say.)
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012   Digital Artist
But in that instance you are lying to the child, and isn't lying to a child much worse? :D

Yeah, you did, it really is hard to tell what you're talking about because it was all so vague. That was a little better, but still pretty vague, so it really is hard to say whether or not it's right or not. I mean in the case of the little kid, he asked for an opinion too, but you chose not to tell him that his art was crap.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's not lying when I say thank you and not saying it's ugly (but then again, ugliness is subjective, right?). And I always cherish gifts, no matter who gave it to me or how "ugly" it looks. ^^

Nah, you didn't say he asked for an opinion. You said he was excited about something he made.

Here's a concrete example: a friend of mine always complained about her weight and "how fat" she was (she wasn't fat, but a little overweight) and that she couldn't understand why she kept gaining weight. I first jokingly suggested she was pregnant, which she laughed at and said no. Then I asked what she does to not gain weight, if she exercises and such. Then she said she didn't do those things at all. That's when I decided to just tell her that THAT might be the reason she's gaining weight and that she might need to consider to change her eating habits and maybe start going to the gym or such. And then I added "if you complain about how you look but do nothing about it, maybe it's about time you did." The reason I decided to be so blunt with her was that we had been friends for many many years, and I was kind of fed up with her constant complaints about herself but in the end did nothing to make it better.

I know she got angry with me, but I decided it was best to drag her back to reality rather than sugarcoating it and lie.
And today she is actually starting to get in shape, and goes to the gym at least once a week. ^^ So even if she got upset with me being so bluntly honest with her, it actually helped her in the end. :) (However, she never thanked me for being honest with her, while everyone else was sugarcoating it. ;))
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012   Digital Artist
Ok, kid asks you whether Santa is real.

And in the situation, it was ugly that's the truth, you don't get to dance around it by saying that it is subjective, because in that situation, you subjectively thought it was ugly.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'd tell the kid that I don't believe in Santa. And then I'd ask what he thinks. When the kid asks why I don't believe, I'd tell him that I don't know, that maybe it's a grown-up thing. After a certain age you just stop believing in Santa. And then I'd ask what he thinks.
This situation has actually happened, it was with my youngest brother. It was quite interesting to listen to his thoughts. According to him, Santa doesn't live in the North Pole. In fact,here is one Santa for each country, and they switch countries each year. That way they will meet all the children eventually. I guess this was his way to explain why Santa looked different from the year before. ^^

True, but I don't say "aww it looks great, thank you!" when my nephew gives me stuff. I say "thank you! Wow, you must have worked really hard making this, huh?" because that is the truth. He worked his ass off to make that for me, so I say thank you and take it back home with me with a smile on my face.
So what you're saying is that if the gift is ugly-looking I cannot appreciate the gift? Are you the kind of person who wouldn't want anything else but beauty around you, and if a gift looks like shit you don't want it? Wow, how superficial of you.
I happen to like to receive gifts that were handmade by the one who gives it to me, no matter how it looks. But hey, maybe that's just me. ^^
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(1 Reply)
:iconiheartwaffies:
IheartWaffies Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012   General Artist
First off, just-- no.

If they don't want the harsh truth, so be it. Don't dwell on the undeserving. It's a bad habit, and you can become "the undeserving".
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconfacebooklikeplz:
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
May sound condescending but it's very evident that these people aren't someone who you should bother associating with. Unless you also want to live in a sugar coated reality and pander to their wants instead of needs - it's going to leave you feeling very exhausted.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's not condescending at all. In fact, I kind of agree with you.
I don't like associating with people in general, because I'm very anti-social.
Or rather: I'm not anti-social, I just can't stand people and their silly problems. :XD:
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:iconrendjur:
rendjur Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
You reminded me of this video: [link]
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yup, that is me. In a nutshell. :D
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:iconrua--briongloid:
Rua--Briongloid Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh hell yeah~ Which is funny because I used to be a bad compulsive liar and since changing my ways with a little help with therapy people get buttmad when I'm straight up "Look bro, What your doing isn't cool" instead of flipping my shit and fucking lying for attention or some shit. People are fucking morons and can't handle the truth. And boy do I wanna dish out my fair share of the hard fucking truth~
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I agree. People are morons, simple as that. :nod:
A real friend don't lie to you, and he/she can handle you telling the truth to him/her.
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:iconrua--briongloid:
Rua--Briongloid Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Most people are just like "Sugar coat evvvverything for me please"....Yeah I'm not about to do that.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Me neither.
We would be the best of friends. :) I'm sure of it.
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:iconrua--briongloid:
Rua--Briongloid Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah for sure :3
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:iconwildergothica:
WilderGothica Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes. Not in those exact words, but ok...a former co-worker was uber sensitive. You couldn't even offer honest opinions no matter how well meaning without her taking offense, or making harmless observations. I'm not that much of a bitch, so I shouldn't have to tip toe.
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:iconflicher:
Flicher Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I have found it effective to let it sink in softly.
But being female there are so many different ways you can mess up a friendship it is endless.
They see it differently. I stand by the fact that women are disimilar in all senses of the word.
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:iconkizziesama:
Kizziesama Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
Yep. Though, most of my friends will take my honest opinion as it is, and they usually don't get mad at me, I've had a few that get upset when I don't tell them the answer they want to hear. In those cases... honestly, fuck 'em :shrug: If they're going to get mad at me for being honest, that's on them. I'm not going to lie just to make them feel better, then have them get mad at me later for not warning them or being honest with them. There's just no pleasing people like that.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*don't

Fucking typos, I hate them... :grump:
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I agree whole-heartedly.
If they can't deal with the truth, then do fucking ask for my opinion.
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:iconsapphire-ashesx:
Sapphire-Ashesx Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
I know how you feel, I told my sister I don't think yo mama jokes are funny and she got offended.
I always feel like people are just going to get offended because I have different opinions. :/
Like how I told her I thought the fact that RWJ had others do his videos for him, proved anybody could do it. She was like "How come you're hating on Ray all of a sudden?" and got so mad when I said she was just being a fangirl.
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:iconsnofs:
snofs Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Ja det har hänt
Jag har gjort det själv och jag menade inget illa egentligen
Jag ville mest bara hjälpa personen i fråga men hon tog det på fel sätt och vi vart ovänner
och umgås inte längre idag....:iconsadplz:
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:iconnosugarjustanger:
nosugarjustanger Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
Happened to me so many times.

I suppose it's good riddance - I'd rather keep friends that I can trust to be able to handle the truth like proper adults. :P
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:iconzazill:
Zazill Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That suck's outright. The problem with lying is that you have to keep track with what you said, yeah and that never happens. So I don't bother, unless someone is trying to kill me (granted they weren't my friends), that's the only time I can justify lying to anyone.
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:iconbleedlings:
bleedlings Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I have a friend who's really obsessed with her hair. She always says "my hair looks awful today, isn't it :(" so in turn I tell her its a bit flat but other than that its fine. She gets mad at me for saying that though ahaha. Then when I say it looks good she says I'm lying.
She's quite the character.
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:iconrendjur:
rendjur Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
Obviously fishing for comments.

I remember when I was in the fifth grade, some girl I knew had drawn a picture. She said, "Uuuh...my picture sucks" where I said, "Yeah, I think your clouds are a little funny". She got pissed off and said "I WASN'T ASKING YOU WAS I".

Fun times.
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:iconwildergothica:
WilderGothica Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Insecure brat sounds like.
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:iconbleedlings:
bleedlings Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
nooo way :O
She's probably the most secure and self confident person I know haha.
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:iconzazill:
Zazill Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I have a friend who relies on my opinion of how she should dress. I like to believe she does that because I give my honest opinion every time and I don't shy away from telling her that something looks out right terrible.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh wow, talk about being sliiiiiightly vain. XD

Whenever someone says similar things in front of me, with the hidden hint that they want me to praise their looks or whatever, I say "if you don't like the way it looks, change it until you're happy." One friend in particular used to get really pissy with me whenever I said things like that and nearly always answered "but I want to hear I look good!" I can totally understand if she wants to hear it from others, but if she doesn't think so herself, it wouldn't matter what I or anyone else said to her. When I told her this, she just answered with a small and irritated voice "then I guess I'll never look good". :ohmygod:
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:iconsanguinelaw:
SanguineLaw Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Have you ever been told you're a bad friend, only because you told the person your honest feelings or thoughts?
Yes, yes I have. I told someone to stop lying to people about having miscarriages because it's sick and disgusting, emotionally manipulating people like that. We're not friends any more.
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:iconzazill:
Zazill Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Fuck me, people go to insane lengths for acceptance
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ohmygosh, that really IS disgusting! Some people are just.... urgh!
I had a "friend" once who did that too! Why do people lie just to get attention? It's just downright wrong!
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:iconpmmurphy:
PMMurphy Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
sounds like they are not very mature. People who are mature will appreciate this people who aren't wont.
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