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December 5, 2012
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Replies: 49

"Demonic Harassment"

:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The last couple days we had really hot summer temperatures, peaking at 38 degrees. Yesterday night, the house started making noises after I fell asleep. At first it sounded like someone was kicking the walls, and a broom fell down, and then kicking my own bedroom door which jolted me awake. My housemate came home and I told her about it, she stayed up a bit to see if it'd happen again. I walked into the bathroom and promptly heard a banging noise twice in a row. I went into her room asking if she heard that and she freaked out because she thought she saw me walking down the hallway into the living room and I made that noise.

-Skipping a lot of attempts to figure out the source of the noise which were determined to come from upstairs, I realized it must be the metal under the stress from all the heat since it had been happening day and night (which were both really hot). Last night the temperature dropped to 23 and the noises stopped. My housemate doesn't like my "metal expansion" theory however and keeps insisting it's "demonic harassment" from this spiritual war going on. She also said "If it's metal expanding then how does that explain that I thought I saw you walking down the hallway?" Oh gee, I dunno. Maybe something to do with peripheral vision and you not paying attention? :roll:

I'm sorry but we've both slept through the bangs and cracking and we're still alive, but now we have to have a pastor come to our house and exorcise the oh so evil noisy demon. I might believe you when it starts picking up knives and flinging them at us but until then can we please just let physics do it's thing and live in the 21st century?

:icontealdeerplz: Metal in house most likely expanding under heat, housemate thinks it's a demon of harassment and called a pastor in to get it exorcised.
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Devious Comments

:iconclavis-salomonis:
Clavis-Salomonis Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Student General Artist
:lmao: that's so awesome!
(I love that you figured out what was going on! Though I'd just nod and smile when she wants a priest, maybe it will just put her fears at rest.)
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:iconmaltese101:
maltese101 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student General Artist
Mmm.. I would like some of that vegetable holy juice.

Gonna spray them to my friends :dummy:
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:iconphoenixleo:
phoenixleo Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
If I were a demon, I would hardly be tapping and have it considered demonic harassment. :iconmadlynotimpressedplz: Maybe harassment by magical blobs...\o\
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know right. I'd be fucking flinging knives and shit everywhere making it kinda... obvious that I'm harassing people. :facepalm:
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:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Student Filmographer
I'd be more likely to be the kind of 'demonic harasser' that plays practical jokes. Wait until people turn the light off to go to bed and flick it back on, move their keys to a different place to where they left them, hide the TV remote down the back of the sofa, all that jazz. :la:
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:iconphoenixleo:
phoenixleo Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
:icontroofsplz:
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Those are the kinds of thought processes that render us back into the past. :O_o:
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think she's already pulled this house back by about a thousand years. She anointed it with vegetable holy oil. It's all over the coffee table, floor and doors. :stare:
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh.. dear. :O

Well.. that was a waste. I wonder if it'll attract any bugs.
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:iconkitsumekat:
kitsumekat Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
Your tl;dr is a wonderful opportunity.
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:iconsbkmulletman:
sbkMulletMan Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
It's just Jesus trying to break into your house and wreck up the place.

Next he's coming at you all with a combustible lemon.

:iconcombustiblelemonplz:
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:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
:iconjesuschristplz::iconsaysplz:I'M GONNA GET MY DAD TO CREATE A COMBUSTIBLE LEMON THAT'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
MY DAD WILL HUFF AND PUFF. HE'LL HUFF AND PUFF SO HARD!
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:iconsbkmulletman:
sbkMulletMan Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
Somewhere, in the Multiverse, there is a Cave Johnson that literally is Jesus, and God is the chief engineer of Aperture.

Which I guess makes Black Mesa literally the Devil. Which also makes it still the better company!
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:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
But what does that make Mann Co?
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:iconsbkmulletman:
sbkMulletMan Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
The Church of the Divine Looney.

[link]

:iconyeehawplz:
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:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
yaaaay
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
:iconfangasmplz:
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:iconsbkmulletman:
sbkMulletMan Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
You call that a fangasm? I'LL show you a fangasm!

[link]

:iconpotadosplz::iconsaysplz:Yeah! YEAH! YEAH!
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
:faint:
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:icondragonflae:
Dragonflae Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
:iconfacepalmplz: This is why I would never bunk with a Christian.
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Also. She came home and since nothing has been happening she's affirmed that her praying and anointing the house in 'holy oil' was what stopped the demonic harassment, not the cool weather. Fuck it I'm not even going to bother explaining how science works, she barely even passed grade school with that mentality. :pissedoff:
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:icondragonflae:
Dragonflae Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
Go perform some Satanic rituals within her view as the weather heats up :lol: That shit would be hilarious.
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I had no choice in the matter really. :lol:
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:iconpurpleamhariccoffee:
PurpleAmharicCoffee Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
The heat could be addling their brain.
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:iconmasterinsanity:
MasterInsanity Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Professional Writer
38 degrees? Since when is that hot?
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Celcius? :shrug:

It's not for me, I used to live near the equator. But it's pretty hot for south east Queensland.
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:iconmasterinsanity:
MasterInsanity Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Professional Writer
Oh, sorry. I thought you meant Fahrenheit
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:iconsbkmulletman:
sbkMulletMan Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
...man, even I was able to figure out it was Celsius

You are not smarter than a Mullet! This is a baaaaad thing. Back to school with you!
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's ok. :XD:
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:iconpenhuin:
Penhuin Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:lol:
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:iconpinkmitten:
Pinkmitten Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
i like ur avatar.



give it to me.
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No. Go get it yourself, I'm lazy. :saddummy:

[link]
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:iconpinkmitten:
Pinkmitten Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
wow this is so fucking cute.
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:iconthecoin-operatedgirl:
theCoin-operatedGirl Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
but you're a cactus puppy. I saw a toy that looked just like that at B&N. >:C so cute.
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:iconpinkmitten:
Pinkmitten Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
Cute things like other cute things. :meow:
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:iconkinrift:
Kinrift Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
You know you'd only get bored and fart on it.
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:iconpinkmitten:
Pinkmitten Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
no
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:iconprosaix:
prosaix Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
What's the link between peripheral vision and steel again? Atheists are so much fun sometimes. :lol:
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If I tried to tear apart her entire argument and every other stupid comment and question she made I would have written a wall text to envy the great wall of China. :noes:
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:iconneo-kaiser:
Neo-Kaiser Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
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:icondezenerate:
Dezenerate Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
:happycry:
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:iconimpishzaeli:
ImpishZaeli Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I agree with you. How old is your house, though>
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No idea actually, we're renting it but it looks like it'd be 5 + years? ^^;
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:iconimpishzaeli:
ImpishZaeli Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh. I didn't know if it was old, ( really old ), because that could explain stuff. It's probably the warm weather :meow:
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:iconkinrift:
Kinrift Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
Call me in, I'll exorcise your housemate of the stupid.
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:icondezenerate:
Dezenerate Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
You're a heretic and unbeliever of the netherrealm. I excommunicate you from Complaints. :pray:
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! TRAPPED FOREVER!
Beware! Beware! Time is short! Epa! Epa! EEEEEEEEPAAAAAAAA!!! Believe me! BELIEVE ME!
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:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hey man I astral travel all the time, I just don't believe in jumping to conclusions and making myself look like an idiot. :lol:
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