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December 3, 2012
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Vibrators, man-bashing, and creams guaranteed to give you a yeast infection

:iconsspirate:
SSPirate Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
So I went to my friendís new apartment this evening, and itís a great little place- but her and her mom were hosting a vibrator/spa/lingerie party thing. Itís basically a Tupperware party but with different stuff. If youíre not familiar with those- a person comes to your house and tries to sell you and your friends all sorts of useless shit.

I was looking forward to this and was at first having a good time(until I had a really bad IBS reaction to some sausage I ate and had to run to the bathroom like every ten fucking minutes to shit my guts out but hey what can ya do right)

Anyway.

The lady who was presenting was really... Anti-man. Not like actual man-hating stuff, but the comments she made were extremely off-putting. She was basically implying that fucking yourself with a toy would be more pleasurable than fucking a man. Or that his cock wasnít good enough and it needed a fancy cockring. Or that a manís taste is disgusting and you should put these flavoured lubes on it and stuff. And. Itís just. No. I donít like that talk. Itís awful. Itís sexist. It skeeved me the fuck out, and luckily I wasnít alone in that because my other friend there was also skeeved out and told me ALL about it while we walked back home.

The presenter also had these spa-shit things she was going on about, like foot rubs and hand creams and nipple tinglers and she had us all put the nipple tingler on our lips and I had some and it burned IT BURNED OH MY GOD IT BURNED IT WAS AWFUL (and she didn't believe me when I told her it fucking burned and she said that was "normal." Fuck you, lady- feeling like I have hot coals on my mouth ISN'T NORMAL) and then she brought out this series of creams youíre supposed to shove up your cooch and put it on your g-spot to make it "puff out" and "easier to find" and "more pleasurable." and there was another one that supposedly tightens the walls of your vagina??? and that just sounds like a bad, awful, no-good time for your vagina. It's a delicate thing and shoving up some random "pleasure" creams in there PROBABLY isn't the best idea.

The vibrators were disappointing as hell, to. They were expensive knock-offs of better brands and looked cheap as hell, to. The knock-off of the rabbit was horrifying. The lingerie was all really dull and basically the kinda stuff you could find at any boring mall-lingerie store.

And the lady had the nerve to try and sell me some supplemental/medicinal shake/meal replacement thing that will ďguarantee take away most of your IBS symptoms!Ē

Just. Fuck off.



I was there to see my friends, though. And that was fine. The walk home was good and helped my system calm down quite a bit. So Iím glad for that. But Iíll never go to any party hosted by that presenter or the company she represents again. Ugh. Gross.
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Devious Comments

:icontheartistrodriguez:
TheArtistRodriguez Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional General Artist
What type of sausage was it? Bratwurst?
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:iconblazegryph:
blazegryph Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That sounds horribad indeed! >:T
I mean, if you're going to get stuff like that, wouldn't you want to go straight for the things that are more reputable/won't mess up ladybits? And the anti-man stuff, seriously. Adsilfh. I wonder if she had some sort of bad experience or something... which would be better taken care of through talking to someone versus selling could-be-dangerous creams and medication. Kudos for not telling her though, I probably would have snapped.
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:iconandymagnuseth:
AndyMagnuseth Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
can i kill this person like holy shit wow no
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:iconhewhoflewandfell:
Hewhoflewandfell Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012
.....0.o. lol I'm sorry, this was funny.

Girls girls, I will not claim to know how a vibrator feels shoved inside, but remember, you're never going to be able to guilt that vibrator into pampering you like a princess.
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:iconhorrificsensation:
HorrificSensation Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012
haha i laughed the whole time i was reading this XD funny story
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:iconsapphire-ashesx:
Sapphire-Ashesx Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
:stare: So disturbing.
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:iconleapinglela:
LeapingLela Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I tried that cooch cream once before. NEVER AGAIN! Worse experience of my life.
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:icontazzie98:
Tazzie98 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
Has she tried a bigger dick? I know the size isn't always about everything but....
I wouldn't be suprised if she had sex doll that vibrates.
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:iconmujaki-violet:
Mujaki-Violet Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Burning nipples...LOL -thinks of burning man instantly-
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:iconthenecco:
TheNecco Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Student General Artist
Well, if you think about it, vibrators, dildos, etc have been specifically modified for greater pleasure, so in a way they are 'better', but it doesn't mean men are useless or bad or insufficient.
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