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November 26, 2012
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Replies: 46

How dare you call that jazz.

:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Let alone music. As part of a class assignment, I went to a jazz concert tonight, labeled simply as "Improv night". Bear in mind, I have heard jazz improv before, beautifully done at that. So I had some great expectations when it came to this concert.

It was total shit. An absolute waste of time. It made my head hurt. And it was an hour and 45 minutes long. All that time, I did not hear anything I would even consider to be music. There was no structure, no beat, no rhythm. How can I describe it? Well, imagine a child banging on a piano - the child knows how to make noise with the instrument, but doesn't know how to play it. It's just kind of banging on it to see if it can make a tune. Know that sound? Now apply that type of noise to a piano, bass guitar, bass clarinet, and drum set. That was one part. Now imagine a piano, string bass, drum set, electric guitar, bass clarinet, and trumpet all playing like that, only the trumpeter also has to play as loud as fucking possible. It was literally like that for the whole concert. And that clarinet... oh dear god, for some reason he was blowing through the thing and moving his fingers, but no notes were coming out. Instead, the microphone amplified every spitty breath. You could hear the saliva splashing around in the instrument, it was so disgusting. And then the trumpeter starts taking apart her instrument in the middle of the fucking performance to clear it of all the spit that was in there, and I see this waterfall of saliva trickle out of the bell and onto the floor. It was revolting.

And then the pianist pulled out a melodica (this thing: [link]) and starts playing randomly on that, and that was where my sanity broke. But I had to stay for the whole thing. So then a third group that was even bigger came on, and one of them was playing this weird string instrument that I couldn't even identify, but everyone was still playing this huge jumble of broken note patterns. At one point the drummer pulled out a gong and started playing that, and I just laughed my ass off, because a) I was trying to hide the pain, and b) I couldn't possibly see how anyone could take this seriously.

My god, they have some balls to call that jazz. I know jazz. I've heard good jazz, and good improv jazz at that. This... this wasn't even music. Save me, Frank Sinatra.
"Flyyy me tooo the mooooon..."
Ahh....
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Devious Comments

:iconzurithepersistent:
ZurithePersistent Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist
stop crying@
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:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Filmographer
Oh wow. I hope you didn't pay for that.
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:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
No, thank God, no.
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:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Filmographer
Congrats that your wallet is in tact, I just feel bad for your ears, now.
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:icondeviant-garde:
deviant-garde Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
"improv jazz"? Do you mean free jazz? Free improvisation?
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:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Hey, whatever floats your boat in terms of, "get together and play without any kind of arrangement or sheet music".
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:icondeviant-garde:
deviant-garde Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
I'm not going to say it was any good without hearing it, as it very well could have been mediocre, but I have a feeling you have no idea where to start with any music like that in the first place.
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:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
You got me. I've only been playing music for about five years, and I've only listened to jazz for about that time as well. Clearly, I have no experience in the matter.
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:icondeviant-garde:
deviant-garde Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Well? What kind of jazz?
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:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Several different kinds.
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