Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Details

Closed to new replies
November 26, 2012
Link

Statistics

Replies: 46

How dare you call that jazz.

:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Let alone music. As part of a class assignment, I went to a jazz concert tonight, labeled simply as "Improv night". Bear in mind, I have heard jazz improv before, beautifully done at that. So I had some great expectations when it came to this concert.

It was total shit. An absolute waste of time. It made my head hurt. And it was an hour and 45 minutes long. All that time, I did not hear anything I would even consider to be music. There was no structure, no beat, no rhythm. How can I describe it? Well, imagine a child banging on a piano - the child knows how to make noise with the instrument, but doesn't know how to play it. It's just kind of banging on it to see if it can make a tune. Know that sound? Now apply that type of noise to a piano, bass guitar, bass clarinet, and drum set. That was one part. Now imagine a piano, string bass, drum set, electric guitar, bass clarinet, and trumpet all playing like that, only the trumpeter also has to play as loud as fucking possible. It was literally like that for the whole concert. And that clarinet... oh dear god, for some reason he was blowing through the thing and moving his fingers, but no notes were coming out. Instead, the microphone amplified every spitty breath. You could hear the saliva splashing around in the instrument, it was so disgusting. And then the trumpeter starts taking apart her instrument in the middle of the fucking performance to clear it of all the spit that was in there, and I see this waterfall of saliva trickle out of the bell and onto the floor. It was revolting.

And then the pianist pulled out a melodica (this thing: [link]) and starts playing randomly on that, and that was where my sanity broke. But I had to stay for the whole thing. So then a third group that was even bigger came on, and one of them was playing this weird string instrument that I couldn't even identify, but everyone was still playing this huge jumble of broken note patterns. At one point the drummer pulled out a gong and started playing that, and I just laughed my ass off, because a) I was trying to hide the pain, and b) I couldn't possibly see how anyone could take this seriously.

My god, they have some balls to call that jazz. I know jazz. I've heard good jazz, and good improv jazz at that. This... this wasn't even music. Save me, Frank Sinatra.
"Flyyy me tooo the mooooon..."
Ahh....
Reply

You can no longer comment on this thread as it was closed due to no activity for a month.

Devious Comments

:iconzurithepersistent:
ZurithePersistent Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist
stop crying@
Reply
:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Filmographer
Oh wow. I hope you didn't pay for that.
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
No, thank God, no.
Reply
:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Filmographer
Congrats that your wallet is in tact, I just feel bad for your ears, now.
Reply
:icondeviant-garde:
deviant-garde Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
"improv jazz"? Do you mean free jazz? Free improvisation?
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Hey, whatever floats your boat in terms of, "get together and play without any kind of arrangement or sheet music".
Reply
:icondeviant-garde:
deviant-garde Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
I'm not going to say it was any good without hearing it, as it very well could have been mediocre, but I have a feeling you have no idea where to start with any music like that in the first place.
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
You got me. I've only been playing music for about five years, and I've only listened to jazz for about that time as well. Clearly, I have no experience in the matter.
Reply
:icondeviant-garde:
deviant-garde Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Well? What kind of jazz?
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Several different kinds.
Reply
:icondeviant-garde:
deviant-garde Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
... such as?
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Swing, Bop, Brazilian, Cool Jazz, especially this year, I've had to go over pretty much every type there is. I don't understand why you're acting this way towards me.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconthinktink606432:
Thinktink606432 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Filmographer
I remember my Highschool art teacher would play this annoying improv jazz whenever we would work on stuff. God, I really can't stomach good improv jazz so I can't imagine the horrible shit you had to listen to. Give me some good Duke Ellington and I'm a happy girl. But I really don't know how you managed to sit through that.
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Mainly because the satisfaction of ripping them apart in a review would then be all the more sweeter.
Reply
:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Man, I dunno what's worse. The sheer amount of saliva that lady produced, or the fact that they didn't even play proper music.

Fuck, even dubstep has rhythm and structure in comparison.
Reply
:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh dear. :O

Well, it's good to try something experimental once every so often, I guess.

It's why you can always trust classical concerts. >.>
Reply
:icongreen-eyedtiger:
Green-EyedTiger Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That melodica thing is an instrument?
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
I guess so. I thought it was just a toy at first.
Reply
:iconpakaku:
Pakaku Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
HEY MAN, THERE GOES MACK THE KNIFE

wah-wah wah wahhh, doo dooooo
Reply
:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional
MALLOW CASTS THUNDER
Reply
:icononlyelisha:
onlyelisha Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student General Artist
:icondonteplz::iconsaysplz:Get with the times, it's called dubstep.
Reply
:iconpakaku:
Pakaku Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Dubstep was never a proper genre of music
Reply
:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
I prefer Miles Davis his improv Jazz.. it's chaotic but makes sense.
Reply
:icon290pika:
290Pika Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Filmographer
My high school jazz band director liked some really out there stuff that sometimes barely qualified as jazz... But it's okay, because we were pretty awesome. :la:

Although in middle school beginning jazz, one kid had a tenor sax solo and sounded like a garbage disposal. :giggle:
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I can just imagine a kid blowing into a horn and hearing "BWAOAOOOOOOOGHGHGLLSLLGHBL" :laughing:
Reply
:icon290pika:
290Pika Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Filmographer
I should upload it somewhere.

But that would be mean. That kid's one of my friends. :lol:
Reply
:iconh-irsch:
h-irsch Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I'm slightly curious about how bad the music really was and if I could sample it one day.
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I didn't get a recording of it, but trust me, it was bad. Try playing several songs at once and you might get something close to what I was hearing.
Reply
:iconh-irsch:
h-irsch Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I think I'll like to keep my hearing but from the sound of it, it was pretty awful. I feel so bad for you.
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I listen to rock :B

Also dude, if you wanna see any kind of improv you have to know who's doing it and like them a lot.
Reply
:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Miles Davis :nod:
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Yeah, I know that now...
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Life lessons ftw.
Reply
:iconredmarlin:
redmarlin Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
To be fair though, the professor teaching our jazz history class brought in a couple students from the music department whom he had never met before, and they all played improv just fine. Pretty impressive, even. So I figured I'd get more of that when I went, but instead my ears were raped.
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Huh. :O
Reply
:iconmartypunker:
martypunker Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I think I'm shitting my brains out right now.
Reply
:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional
Maybe next time you'll listen when your school tells you drugs are bad, huh?
Reply
:iconmartypunker:
martypunker Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I wish drugs had been involved. At least then I would have felt good momentarily. No, this was all pain.
Reply
Add a Comment: