You know how people mutilate themselves with cutting or branding or piercing or inking themselves because they believe it somehow makes them moar beautiful?
That's what the universe is actually up to when it's being a prick. Destroying the Earth with a massive solar flare in six weeks is actually the universe's equivalent of getting a new earring. Sure, people will die next month, but the universe will look hotter, and will totally gonna bag some pussy. How is that not benevolent?
But this is exactly how I feel about the cynical "MY LIFE IS A MESS" types. They're always trying to be the bigger badass with the worse life, and blame the universe for children with leukemia and use bad things in life as a reason any form of spirituality, be it god or just random hippie crap, can't be true.
If the world was really all happiness and cancer-free kids, how would we appreciate the good shit?
That said, I'm not your universe-provides/religious based hippie and am quite the cynic when the mood takes me. But I'm still starry-eyed.
Pain is slight if opinion has added nothing to it; ... in thinking it slight, you will make it slight. Everything depends on opinion; ambition, luxury, greed, hark back to opinion. It is according to opinion that we suffer. ... So let us also win the way to victory in all our struggles, - for the reward is ... virtue, steadfastness of soul, and a peace that is won for all time. —Seneca
I don't know... if by "function" you mean "flip the fuck out, go to LA, then blow off all her modeling gigs and decide to spend the last of her money leaving the country to see the world..."
Then... uh... yeah, she's functioning.
I'm scrambling trying to figure out a way to afford to keep her apartment next month, just in case... I have no idea what she's gonna do with all her stuff here if she just decides to leave. She hasn't been getting back to me much. I think she's trying to force me to detach from her so I won't worry anymore.
It's in the front of her brain, in a spot where it's really dangerous to operate.
She won't tell me a whole lot more then that. I wonder if they've given her a lifespan estimate... could be part of the reason she's acting like she's gonna explode any second.
It just drives me nuts that she thinks she has to protect me from this somehow. It makes it more difficult for me not knowing what's going on. I love her so much I don't care if it's painful, I'd feel better knowing that she didn't have to carry the burden of this all on her own.
But there's not much I can do about it, she's her own person and she's gonna deal with it how she wants to, so I'm just trying to support her in whatever way I can.
Any idea which hemisphere? Does she have motor problems? I am no neuropsychologist but radical behavior of that kind with a tumor located there are not likely to be mutually exclusive phenomenon. I am sorry if that is what you were hoping to avoid thinking about. But she sounds like she still has the capacity to reason. And with it I think you may be right. Her main aims are distance and distraction by the sound of things. If she does have a life estimate... I am not certain at all of this, of course, but you may see her again closer to the time. Whether or not that is good or bad.
I am being far too assumptive with this, so I apologise for any... thing, I could have said that is upsetting.
Honestly, the situation is so bad I don't think you could say a thing to make it worse. Plus, I'm sort of a realist and am not easily provoked. As painful as this whole thing is, I think I'm still holding shit down pretty well.
I'm not sure which hemisphere. I do know that she's being having mini-strokes and suffering from temporary blindness, the loss of the ability to read or speak for short amounts of time, and severe migranes. She's been smoking a LOT of pot to help the pain, both physical and psychological.
So she's gone? Most people don't come back in these cases, when you get into that mindset nothing means anything anymore, eventually she might go back to live with family if there is any in later stages.
For example, I recently contracted type one diabetes because, according to the doctors, "I caught a virus that was all like, fuck you pancreas (holy shit i can spell "pancreas"), for no other reason than: Fuck you. LIFE!" (I'm may be paraphrasing) and so now I have to stab myself in the gut with an insulin pen when I eat (It is, admittedly the lesser of the two evils, it's not all that restrictive compared to type two, but still, fuck you pancreas eating virus). Came as a huge shock, me being on of those people who never get ill. Went to see the doctor for a routine thingymabob and he was all like "looks like your full of diabetus and stuff dude" (again, paraphrasing)
To get back to a more relevant point, its also wrong to Consider the universe, existence, or whatever you wish to call it, an asshole or anything else to that effect because it doesn't even not care (Y'know, lacking sentience and all that).
Yeah, I have a beautiful girlfriend who is 22, a model, an amazing gourmet chef, and is pretty much the most beautiful, honest, intelligent person I've ever met, and OH GUESS WHAT she totally got diagnosed with brain cancer last month.
Life will continue, until it doesn't anymore, a mix of good and bad all the way. My life tends to be kind of extreme, I've done things some can't begin to dream of, but everything good must come to an end and so I've learning to deal with losing all those beautiful things.