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November 6, 2012
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Bullying

:iconlanaxx:
LanaXx Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Hi everyone,

I have a slight complain about how bullying is being looked upon and dealt with.

I live in Norway and, at least here, when I read about bullying etc. the articles and the comments below the articles usually come to the same conclusion: the bullies have to be stopped, and everyone has some sort of idea about how to stop them: call the police, suspend them from school, make the bully switch schools etc. I feel like the focus should perhaps be a lot more on how to empower the victim, rather than trying to stop the bully (though I know the two are not mutually exclusive).

I was bullied for several years at school, and I found anti-bullying campaigns (that were actually obligatory at our school) to do more damage than good for me. Now, I know not everyone has the same experiences as me, and I would never speak for everyone when it comes to this, or deny them any help they might wish for, I still, though, feel like getting this off my chest.

The anti-bullying campaigns at my school would talk to classes and encourage everyone to be nice to each other and not bully and, as an example, talk to those who are "alone in the class". I know this is supposed to promote respect, but in my eyes, this in a way promotes disrespect. For instance, I feel it is wrong to teach people to feel pity for outsiders and try to involve them in a group, because, that way of thinking assumes that everyone who is left out is miserable, in other words, nobody could possibly be happy unless they are part of the group. To me now, and at the time, this message that the anti-bullying campaigns were giving sort of felt like a mild bullying. Because, in a way, they did the same thing as most bullies: picked on something which was not considered normal, even though they had good intentions.

Another thing is, relationships should not be based on pity, and the message they give sort of promotes pity-based shallow relationships. I mean, I was always left out, but would everything really have become butterflies and sunshine if the people hurting me suddenly realized this was wrong and than out of pity became friendlier to me, or if the administration had forced them to become nicer. Because, I really believe that bullying is more a symptom than the real problem, the real problem is that those people had no respect for me, so even if they had stopped the bullying on the surface, the lack of respect would still be there.

Basically, I feel like bullying perhaps can not be simply stopped. And even if you stop the bullying something is still not right because bullying is just a symptom. I remember I had times when people would push me around, other times when they would verbally abuse me, and some times where things would get pretty quiet and I was simply just left alone (feels a bit strange to write this, I am not trying to gain any pity, I am just trying to sort of argue my point), but at all of those times, no matter how hard or soft the bullying was, things actually sort of felt the same.

I could have talked so much more about this, but I guess I should try to cut to the point here soon.

Basically, my parents considered to switch me to another school, but I decided in the end not to do this, and today I am happy I made this choice because I feel like I really learned something from all of this. I realized that the point is not to live without the bullies but DESPITE the bullies. I mean, there are many reasons why someone gets picked on, but let us say that in an island where everyone wears white shirts the person who wears a black shirt is bullied. This person could than move to another island where people wear black shirts, and the person would no longer be bullied, and than the problem is solved... or is it really? In my opinion the core issue is still not resolved, not at all, because bullying probably exists at the black-shirt island as well, the only thing that changed is that the individual now fits the new "norm". The individual is no longer part of the white-shirt island, so the individual fits in, but that is just because the new standard is better met. What happens if the white-shirt island is too small and at some point they have to go to other places and be among individuals that wear purple shirts, or red or any other color than white. At the end of the day, the happiness of the individual is, just like originally, dependent on everyone around him or her, so in a way, the individual is a slave of his or hers circumstances. What if the individual learned how to be happy even if it was living amongst people with shirts of other colors, that treat the individual badly? Than the individual would be truly and forever powerful and other people would not affect its self-esteem.

Basically, perhaps we should focus a lot more on how to make a person happy despite the bullies, rather than trying to remove all the bullies, because, at the end of the day, I believe this is what would make the victim truly powerful.
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Devious Comments

:iconc-y-n-d-i:
C-y-n-d-i Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
There is a link in my sig you might find helpful. :hug:
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:iconredfoxbennaton:
Redfoxbennaton Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
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:iconcopaceticchaos:
CopaceticChaos Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Student General Artist
I read it all! Yay me!

I agree with you on the whole thing, bullying will never go away. We just have to learn how to empower the bullied to handle it.
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
We have different ways of dealing with it.. I suppose it'll always exist. :hmm:
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:iconrageth:
RageTH Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You bring up a lot of good points. The anti-bullying campaign is seriously flawed. There's a reason good ole' fashioned deterrence worked back when our parents had to deal with it. My dad had a bully problem once. He dried to beat my dad up. My dad got a large chunk of wood, and knocked him the fuck out.

The guy never bothered my dad again. Playing nice never works.
There's a TV show I once saw, that basically put bullies in the ring with pro UFC fighters. The bully pretty much got his ass kicked on TV, and the poor sap that had to deal with the guy got to watch, and also got to walk home with a couple hundred dollars.

That's what we need more of.
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:iconrageth:
RageTH Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Sorry, double post.
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:iconrageth:
RageTH Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You bring up a lot of good points. The anti-bullying campaign is seriously flawed. There's a reason good ole' fashioned deterrence worked back when our parents had to deal with it. My dad had a bully problem once. He dried to beat my dad up. My dad got a large chunk of wood, and knocked him the fuck out.

The guy never bothered my dad again. Playing nice never works.
There's a TV show I once saw, that basically put bullies in the ring with pro UFC fighters. The bully pretty much got his ass kicked on TV, and the poor sap that had to deal with the guy got to watch, and also got to walk home with a couple hundred dollars.

That's what we need more of.
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:iconrequiemachina:
Requiemachina Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012
tl;dr

Okay bye. It's life. :icondummylaplz:
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:iconthestickemperor:
TheStickEmperor Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional General Artist
The only thing that can truly work on bullies is by beating the living shit out of 'em.

Anything else will only attract attention.
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:iconrageth:
RageTH Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I wholeheartly agree. Nothing works better as a bully deterrent then putting the scumbag out for a day with a 2x4 that's 8 feet long. Specially if the jerk loses some teeth.
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:iconthestickemperor:
TheStickEmperor Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional General Artist
I'd puck up a baseball bat and wail at 'em with it. :la:
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:iconrageth:
RageTH Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Also effective, if you can get suprise on your side, in case they can overpower you.

Especially effective if you're a much smaller person!
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:iconthestickemperor:
TheStickEmperor Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional General Artist
:la:
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:iconrageth:
RageTH Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Can't get too much more humiliating than having someone a third your size put you down.
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:icondoctorowl:
DoctorOWL Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
I WANT TO PLAY A WINDOWS 95 GAME ON MY STUPID PIECE OF SHIT RIDICULOUS WINDOWS 7 AND I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS TROUBLE JUST TO PLAY A GAME I ALREADY PAID FOR ON A VIRTUAL VERSION OF WINDOWS XP THAT MICROSOFT EXPECTS ME TO PAY FOR SEPARATELY EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY BOUGHT WINDOWS 7 AND IT SHOULD INCLUDE THAT ANYWAY BECAUSE WHY DID THEY MAKE A NEW VERSION OF WINDOWS THAT IS SO INCOMPATIBLE WITH PREVIOUS VERSIONS THAT I HAVE TO BUY A SEPARATE VIRTUAL OPERATING SYSTEM JUST TO PLAY A FREAKING GAME FROM 1993.

WHY

CAPITALS
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:iconmasterplanner:
MasterPlanner Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
:iconalotoftextplz:
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:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Read a bit more in depth, and I give you a free Internet for putting into words what always escaped my tongue.
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:iconkittythenekoalien:
KittyTheNekoAlien Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The moral of this story: Bullying is an indication of lack of respect for others; and our happiness shouldn't be based on whether we are around other people.
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:iconpinkmitten:
Pinkmitten Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Great, now if everyone had your mindset we could get moving. :thumbsup:
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:iconsmoppet:
Smoppet Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Just skimmed, but it seemed legit.
I agree with you. :nod:
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:iconlexi247:
Lexi247 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Read all of it :dummy:

But yeah, I agree. Teaching pity isn't good, it creates shallow and fake friendships.
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:icontoxicotic:
Toxicotic Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
:clap:
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:iconsheridan-j:
Sheridan-J Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
I read it too! There's nothing interesting I can contribute on the matter....but I read it :dummy:
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:iconzodiacgal:
zodiacgal Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I managed to read it! :dummy: and I agree with you! :iconapprovalplz:
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:iconmasterinsanity:
MasterInsanity Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional Writer
In other news, my character can headbutt butterflies, apparently.
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:iconrockstar1009:
rockstar1009 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Norway? That's the land where bullying was perfected into an artform.

:iconvikingplz:
:iconloki---plz:
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:iconenuocale:
EnuoCale Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No, that's called racial segregation.
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:iconfirstxaidxkit:
FIRSTxAIDxKIT Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
......I think you make a very good point here: "For instance, I feel it is wrong to teach people to feel pity for outsiders and try to involve them in a group, because, that way of thinking assumes that everyone who is left out is miserable, in other words, nobody could possibly be happy unless they are part of the group."
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:iconlanaxx:
LanaXx Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Thank you for the comment :), I am glad you agree!
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:iconsbkmulletman:
sbkMulletMan Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Why are you bullying my eyes and raping my intellect?

Stop that. It's not nice.
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, NERD?
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:iconsbkmulletman:
sbkMulletMan Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
I'm gonna write bad poetry about it and cry in the corner!

that's what I'm gonna do!
:iconbangkillplz:
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional
HOW ABOUT YOU DO IT FROM INSIDE THIS LOCKER, GEEK? HAW!
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:iconenuocale:
EnuoCale Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I might be weak... but I have a good heart. Which = strength, once scientists give me free strength. :iconcaptainamericaplz:
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional
LESS YAPPING, MORE GIVING ME YOUR LUNCH MONEY.
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:iconenuocale:
EnuoCale Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Can I pay you in sexual favors, instead? :P
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Professional
You do have a pretty mouth.
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:iconlanaxx:
LanaXx Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Haha,

don't take it personally I do that to everyone
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:iconpenhuin:
Penhuin Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Not reading. Bullying happens. Get on with life.

K thnx bye
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:iconshininginthedarkness:
shininginthedarkness Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
That was the OP's rather roundabout point :lol:
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:iconenuocale:
EnuoCale Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Good. We'll meet them here when they show up.
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:iconpenhuin:
Penhuin Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:stare: Well I didn't read it.
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:iconlegendarysuperman:
LegendarySuperman Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:icontextwallplz:
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:iconwwwjam:
wwwjam Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I admit, I just skimmed, but this seems like a really round about way of saying "just learn to deal with it."
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:iconlanaxx:
LanaXx Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Hmm, perhaps hehe, though I know it is more complicated than that.

Thank you for skimming :D
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:iconhippo-rim-job:
hippo-rim-job Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Anything that results from a public service will inevitably be contrived.
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:iconlanaxx:
LanaXx Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
That is well said, I agree with that, so I am not quite sure how the anti-bullying campaigns are supposed to work out nicely.
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:iconhippo-rim-job:
hippo-rim-job Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I don't think there is any way they could, without somehow cheapening the experience of the genuinely victimized.

I think parents and teachers need to be more aware. But preaching to kids about bullying is pointless.
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:iconbabushka-nipples:
Babushka-Nipples Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
No I am not reading all this. Grats on wasting your time on this shit.
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:icondavidscript:
DavidScript Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'ma hijack your comment to ultra-bump this thread for no reason ;)
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