Several people are truly incapable of fixing their current situations, particularly because they're either kids or teenagers. For them, it's not about standing up and moving under a bridge on their own because mommy didn't hug them enough, that's just not how it works - they need superficial support and a smile on their face to pull through the few years they've left on "house nightmare".
If you're incapable of dishing such a simple thing out, then I suggest you stop putting yourself up for it like an idiot.
Did I touch a nerve, or something? Oops, my bad. Still stand for what I wrote.
Not all people with issues are teenagers, you know. Some are adults and are fully capable of understanding when they need to do. That being said, it doesn't excuse teenagers to act like their lives are the worst and it's up to everyone else to solve it for them.
I can give "superficial support" and smile. I have no problem doing that. But! When they are demanding me to solve their goddamn life crisis for them and give up my own life for their sake, they have crossed the line.
Was that some sort of coping mechanism? Someone disagrees with you, they must do it for personal reasons and therefore it isn't valid!
Did I say all? No, here's a quote for you, since you seem a little on the dumb side: "Several people are ..." - do you comprehend the meaning of the word "several"?
I don't see how any person or teenager can demand you to fix their lives unless you've strictly let them do so, which brings me back to: If you're incapable of it out, then stop putting yourself up for it like an idiot.
Did you get all that or should I attempt to draw it for you?
Nope. Just asked you a question. ^^ And usually when someone disagrees with another person, it's because of personal reasons of point of views. However, I never said it wasn't valid. ^^
And again, nope. Not dumb, but I have been quite naive in the past. I was naive to think someone would listen and accept when I told them what I thought (after they had asked me my opinion, of course). And when someone doesn't listen after they have openly expressed the need of some advice and/or thoughts, it's not nice and it's not helping anybody.
And like the OP says:"if the problem you're having has gotten so big that you're making yourself physically ill but REFUSE to listen to doctors, family members and friends, then it's about fucking time you did something about it yourself!!" <-- That's MY issue. I didn't let anyone demand me to fix it. But they sure as hell tried. Which leads us back to the OP.
Everybody swears. (Okay, maybe not all, but most.) Besides I usually don't swear, I only do it when I am irritated beyond my limits, which I was when I wrote the OP.
But what do you mean with "how I react on people's problems"? My first reaction is to try and help them, listen to them, give them constructive advice. That's a GOOD reaction. But! If the person I'm trying to help don't listen to me, keep saying "nah it won't help, what's the point, why bother" and continue to whine about things, then I don't see any reason to continue trying. Also, it's important to point out that I only get frustrated if I don't see any progress after months of pep talk. I don't scream at them to fuck off after a few days. I tell them to pull themselves together and seek help from professionals. That's GOOD advice! So you need to enlighten me on why my reaction on people's problems are so bad, 'cause I don't quite understand what you're talking about.
Like it says in the OP: of course I care, but if they truly are feeling that bad and stuff, they need to see a therapist about it, not us online who cannot help them.
sometimes, people with their problem, only need friend to listen than giving advice. because i'm sure they actually have tried the thing that you advice. that's why they say like that. sometimes we just need to be good listener. if we can't apologize in nice manner and if it possible wish them a good day every day when you see them online is enough. ^^
I know that sometimes listening is the only thing they need. ^^ But sometimes, listening is something they "want" but not necessarily what they need. If someone is having issues with their boyfriends/friends/co-workers and stuff, and only need to vent, it's alright. But when someone is literally screaming "I'm going to kill myself, no one likes me, I hate my life, I don't want to live anymore" than it's beyond "listening" and it's time to "give advice", and my advice is always to go see a therapist, especially when it's so bad they are actually considering to commit suicide. And not all who feel that way have seen a therapist. They don't want to hear they're crazy, so they avoid doctors. Those are the things I'm referring to in the OP.
When someone is literally demanding me to stay up all night, going after people they consider are hurting them, demanding for me to take responsibility of something they themselves should be, it's something entirely different, and it's not healthy for either of us.
And like the OP says, it's not my job to make them feel better. It's not my responsibility. Sure, as a friend I can listen to their problems. But if the problem is so big that it's actually affecting their health, they need a doctor and a therapist, not someone who's good a listening.
some people are faker in internet. it's kind of reality. the made dramatic situation to get more attention. i'm on FB and some my fb friends is faker, if i found a person with that kind of dramatic un realistic problem, i usually try not to get involve too much. but un friend them is not really good idea. but if it too much better unfriend them.
also, for some people see therapist is indicate that you said the are crazy and need medicine. some people think like that. i ever know this kind of person. giving final advice about seeing therapist is a signal that you are finish and on your limit to talk with them.
basically, you have sense to help, that's good. but if you can't help, just say that their problem is beyond your mind, and you have no idea to solve it. suggest them to see therapist is not a good idea in my opinion. just to let you know, in my country if you say that, it's the same that telling them that they are crazy and need doctor. it will make them angry.
psychiatrist, therapist, is a bit too much sometimes. (for you to said because you are only online friend) and why they come to you from the first? because they thought they can talk to you when the other person ignore them. for some person, taking the others to solve their problem is kind of way to get friend so they are not feeling alone.
I agree with what you said. Still, I'd like to point some things out:
Just like we both have said, some think "going to a therapist" means "I'm crazy". But I also tell them that I went to a therapist myself when I was younger, and it helped me get better. I used to be very depressed and I didn't eat much. So I went to a therapist for almost two years, and it helped me alot. Plus, I only tell them to see a therapist if I truly believe it's the only way for them to get better. I would never say that to get someone off my back. It's not really a "final" advice, but it's the one and only advice I can give a person, since I know it helped me. I'm not shutting anyone off after that, but if they truly want help, they should listen to what people tell them instead of shrugging it off.
I guess they come to me because I have lots of experience and don't lie. At least those are the only reasons I can think of.
Being their friend is something I would very much like to be, but I don't want them to suffocate me in the process. Which they kind of do when they threaten to kill themselves if I don't give them what they want, which could be anything from my phone number, email and home address.
You're not an online therapist, I know that. What you can do is tell them to reach out to their family and friends and other people (other then from the internet) who want to help. That way they can learn that the Internet isn't their stress reliever, and you aren't either. It's healthier, anyway