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November 4, 2012
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I am not your goddamn online-therapist!

:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Let me make things clear:
I care when someone tells me they're not feeling well. That they are in pain. That they are hurting.
But you all must know this: it's not my job to make you feel better. It's not up to me to fix all your problems. I am not your therapist, I am not your best friend and I am not your mom. I am only a person you know online. I cannot help you, at least not in the way you might want me to.
I can lend you an ear, lend you a shoulder to cry on and give you advice, but if you don't take my words seriously and ignore what I say, why the hell should I even bother to help you at all?

To all of you out there with problems, no matter what kind:
of course I care when you tell me you need advice, of course I can listen to you, of course I want to help you. But! Wanting to help doesn't mean that I can!
To all of you who cling to us people online whenever you are having issues: yes, we can listen to you, give you advice, tell you that we love you and care for you. And then what? Are your problems gone? Did we solve your life crisis for you? No.
You think you "only" need to talk to someone to make it "better", but that's just a poorly executed placebo-effect; you "think" it's helping you, but it's not. Getting all those comments, notes, emails of encouraging words, filled with superficial love... it only helps for a few hours, if not less. Then you notice something you don't like or making you feel bad again and you're back to square one. Does that really help you? Think about it, and you will know the answer's no.

You think we can help you, but we can't! We cannot give you what you want, and most importantly, we cannot give you what you need! We cannot make your problems magically disappear! Only YOU can do something about your problems! Only you! No one else!
Take responsability of your actions (or lack of actions) and do something about it in whatever way you see fit! But please, stop shoving the responsability on everyone else, 'cause only YOU are at fault for whatever situation you're in. Because if the problem you're having has gotten so big that you're making yourself physically ill but REFUSE to listen to doctors, family members and friends, then it's about fucking time you did something about it yourself!!

This is the last fricking time I'll bring this up. And I swear to God, if ANYONE tries to pin their goddamn issues on me or anyone else who ISN'T at fault for their problems, I'm gonna throw their bodies into a wood-cutter.
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Devious Comments

:iconmasterplanner:
MasterPlanner Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
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:iconkitsumekat:
kitsumekat Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
Why don't you just click the x button,stop talking to them, or charge a fee for your services?
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I do that now.
Delete them and not talking to them, that is. :D
But if it happens again, I'll ask for a fee and see how they'll react. :dummy:
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:iconkitsumekat:
kitsumekat Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
Make the fee large.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'll make it huge. Enormous. Gigantic.
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:iconkitsumekat:
kitsumekat Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
And charge by the hour.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Totally.
After a three hours session, it'll be double the fee. <-- Pardon my grammar if it's a bit off, I'm not from an English-speaking country.
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:iconkitsumekat:
kitsumekat Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
It's ok. Not many in complaints are from an English speaking country.
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:iconangelishi:
angelishi Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Several people are truly incapable of fixing their current situations, particularly because they're either kids or teenagers. For them, it's not about standing up and moving under a bridge on their own because mommy didn't hug them enough, that's just not how it works - they need superficial support and a smile on their face to pull through the few years they've left on "house nightmare".

If you're incapable of dishing such a simple thing out, then I suggest you stop putting yourself up for it like an idiot.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Did I touch a nerve, or something? Oops, my bad. Still stand for what I wrote.

Not all people with issues are teenagers, you know. Some are adults and are fully capable of understanding when they need to do. That being said, it doesn't excuse teenagers to act like their lives are the worst and it's up to everyone else to solve it for them.

I can give "superficial support" and smile. I have no problem doing that.
But! When they are demanding me to solve their goddamn life crisis for them and give up my own life for their sake, they have crossed the line.
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:iconangelishi:
angelishi Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Was that some sort of coping mechanism? Someone disagrees with you, they must do it for personal reasons and therefore it isn't valid! :no:

Did I say all? No, here's a quote for you, since you seem a little on the dumb side: "Several people are ..." - do you comprehend the meaning of the word "several"?

I don't see how any person or teenager can demand you to fix their lives unless you've strictly let them do so, which brings me back to:
If you're incapable of it out, then stop putting yourself up for it like an idiot.

Did you get all that or should I attempt to draw it for you?
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Nope. Just asked you a question. ^^ And usually when someone disagrees with another person, it's because of personal reasons of point of views.
However, I never said it wasn't valid. ^^

And again, nope. Not dumb, but I have been quite naive in the past. I was naive to think someone would listen and accept when I told them what I thought (after they had asked me my opinion, of course). And when someone doesn't listen after they have openly expressed the need of some advice and/or thoughts, it's not nice and it's not helping anybody.

And like the OP says:"if the problem you're having has gotten so big that you're making yourself physically ill but REFUSE to listen to doctors, family members and friends, then it's about fucking time you did something about it yourself!!" <-- That's MY issue.
I didn't let anyone demand me to fix it. But they sure as hell tried. Which leads us back to the OP.

*coughs*
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*or point of views.
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:iconangelishi:
angelishi Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*of dishing it out
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:iconapricots-from-nara:
Apricots-from-Nara Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Student General Artist
If they need someone to talk to, send them to Mituna. He'll help them with Mr. Bee and his twin!

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:iconapricots-from-nara:
Apricots-from-Nara Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Student General Artist
I created a new Homestuck fan. :la:
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That gif. It's epic.
I must admit, I have never heard of Mituna before. But you made me curious, so I'll look it up. :la: Thanks!
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:iconapricots-from-nara:
Apricots-from-Nara Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Student General Artist
You will need to include his last name. Captor
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Great, thanks for letting me know. :thumbsup:
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:icontatsuyabocchan:
tatsuyabocchan Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional General Artist
that's not good to say you know.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What do you mean? (I apologize, but I haven't slept and my brain isn't working right now.)
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:icontatsuyabocchan:
tatsuyabocchan Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Professional General Artist
well about swearing and how you react on people's problem..
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Everybody swears. (Okay, maybe not all, but most.) Besides I usually don't swear, I only do it when I am irritated beyond my limits, which I was when I wrote the OP.

But what do you mean with "how I react on people's problems"? My first reaction is to try and help them, listen to them, give them constructive advice. That's a GOOD reaction. But! If the person I'm trying to help don't listen to me, keep saying "nah it won't help, what's the point, why bother" and continue to whine about things, then I don't see any reason to continue trying. Also, it's important to point out that I only get frustrated if I don't see any progress after months of pep talk. I don't scream at them to fuck off after a few days. I tell them to pull themselves together and seek help from professionals. That's GOOD advice! So you need to enlighten me on why my reaction on people's problems are so bad, 'cause I don't quite understand what you're talking about.

Like it says in the OP: of course I care, but if they truly are feeling that bad and stuff, they need to see a therapist about it, not us online who cannot help them.
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:icontatsuyabocchan:
tatsuyabocchan Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Professional General Artist
sometimes, people with their problem, only need friend to listen than giving advice. because i'm sure they actually have tried the thing that you advice. that's why they say like that. sometimes we just need to be good listener. if we can't apologize in nice manner and if it possible wish them a good day every day when you see them online is enough. ^^
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know that sometimes listening is the only thing they need. ^^ But sometimes, listening is something they "want" but not necessarily what they need.
If someone is having issues with their boyfriends/friends/co-workers and stuff, and only need to vent, it's alright. But when someone is literally screaming "I'm going to kill myself, no one likes me, I hate my life, I don't want to live anymore" than it's beyond "listening" and it's time to "give advice", and my advice is always to go see a therapist, especially when it's so bad they are actually considering to commit suicide.
And not all who feel that way have seen a therapist. They don't want to hear they're crazy, so they avoid doctors.
Those are the things I'm referring to in the OP.

When someone is literally demanding me to stay up all night, going after people they consider are hurting them, demanding for me to take responsibility of something they themselves should be, it's something entirely different, and it's not healthy for either of us.

And like the OP says, it's not my job to make them feel better. It's not my responsibility. Sure, as a friend I can listen to their problems. But if the problem is so big that it's actually affecting their health, they need a doctor and a therapist, not someone who's good a listening.
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:icontatsuyabocchan:
tatsuyabocchan Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Professional General Artist
some people are faker in internet. it's kind of reality. the made dramatic situation to get more attention.
i'm on FB and some my fb friends is faker, if i found a person with that kind of dramatic un realistic problem, i usually try not to get involve too much. but un friend them is not really good idea. but if it too much better unfriend them.

also, for some people see therapist is indicate that you said the are crazy and need medicine. some people think like that. i ever know this kind of person.
giving final advice about seeing therapist is a signal that you are finish and on your limit to talk with them.

basically, you have sense to help, that's good. but if you can't help, just say that their problem is beyond your mind, and you have no idea to solve it. suggest them to see therapist is not a good idea in my opinion. just to let you know, in my country if you say that, it's the same that telling them that they are crazy and need doctor. it will make them angry.

psychiatrist, therapist, is a bit too much sometimes. (for you to said because you are only online friend)
and why they come to you from the first? because they thought they can talk to you when the other person ignore them.
for some person, taking the others to solve their problem is kind of way to get friend so they are not feeling alone.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I agree with what you said. Still, I'd like to point some things out:

Just like we both have said, some think "going to a therapist" means "I'm crazy". But I also tell them that I went to a therapist myself when I was younger, and it helped me get better. I used to be very depressed and I didn't eat much. So I went to a therapist for almost two years, and it helped me alot.
Plus, I only tell them to see a therapist if I truly believe it's the only way for them to get better. I would never say that to get someone off my back.
It's not really a "final" advice, but it's the one and only advice I can give a person, since I know it helped me. I'm not shutting anyone off after that, but if they truly want help, they should listen to what people tell them instead of shrugging it off.

I guess they come to me because I have lots of experience and don't lie. At least those are the only reasons I can think of.

Being their friend is something I would very much like to be, but I don't want them to suffocate me in the process. Which they kind of do when they threaten to kill themselves if I don't give them what they want, which could be anything from my phone number, email and home address.
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(1 Reply)
:iconfalljoydelux:
Falljoydelux Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're not an online therapist, I know that. What you can do is tell them to reach out to their family and friends and other people (other then from the internet) who want to help. That way they can learn that the Internet isn't their stress reliever, and you aren't either. It's healthier, anyway
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Some understand that, but there are certain individuals who doesn't. They need to get their shit together and do something about their problems.
I agree, it is healthier. :)
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:icondarkanddefiant:
darkanddefiant Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
:iconblahblahblahplz:
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:iconsapphire-ashesx:
Sapphire-Ashesx Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
TL;DR
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Your loss, pal. :D
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:iconprosaix:
prosaix Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
"I'm gonna throw their bodies into a wood-cutter"

Yeah I highly doubt you're going to do that.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You don't know that. ;P
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:iconwalkingren:
WalkingRen Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
:no:
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:iconprosaix:
prosaix Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
This isn't about what I know but about what you won't do. :)
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Maybe so, maybe so.
But I do feel like throwing them into a wood-cutter, if that counts.
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:iconprosaix:
prosaix Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
:)
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:icontidal-wave-art:
Tidal-Wave-Art Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I have no friends online, so this would never happen to me.
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional
Indeed. And how does this make you feel?
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*acting dramatic and miserable* Hopeless, like my mind is overwhelmed by everyone else's problems... bla bla bla... alot-of-gibberish...

:iconimveryhappyplz:
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional
Mmm! Quite!

Now tell me about your mother.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I was raised by wolves. They were all males.
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional
So when did you start having sexual feelings for these wolves?
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yesterday. Around 1am.
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional
I see.

It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Jolly good. :thumbsup:
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:iconmsliuvar:
MsLiuvar Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Give a clear and concise choice and people will change, offer help and they will only come back for more.
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:iconhkepoetry:
hkepoetry Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Maybe so. But some keep coming back for more, even if I have told them I can't help them except giving them the advice to go seek professional help. :shrug:
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:iconsmoppet:
Smoppet Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
It's "responsibility" not "responsability"...

"This is the last fricking time I'll bring this up."
:iconfryplz:
Who the hell are you?
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