So, I live in Portland, Oregon.

If you haven't heard, we're pretty goddamn weird here. I also happen to be a part of the most depraved subculture our little city has to offer; I tattoo most of the members of Wanderlust circus, the most notorious gang of immensely talented, and also immensely slutty freaks touring the US.

I have friends who are professional clowns- like, every day. Of course, clowning isn't exactly the most lucrative career there is, so we end up with a lot of clown porn. Picture a lot of squeaks, honks, and rubber chickens where there really shouldn't be rubber chickens. It also intersects with the kink scene quite a bit, so sometimes on a Saturday night you can find a really sad clown in stocks getting beaten by vegetables.

I was raised here. It's my hometown. This, unfortunately, means that my family home is about 20 blocks away from the warehouse where most of this shit goes down. And, yeah, my mom lives there, with my 16-year old little sister.

On Halloween, I got really drunk and agreed to stand in for one of the girls that dropped out of "Total Domination," an all-female submission wrestling spectacle. The reason it's truly a "spectacle" has to do with the things that happen to the loser of each round. Being as I'm not entirely sure it's even legal, I'm not going to go into details here.

My mom- well- it's weird, she knows some of my friends, and despite the fact that this is a relatively sizable city, still has the feel of a small town in the fact that she hears EVERYTHING that's going on.

She already knows about a lot of the stuff I do. But- having to explain to her about "where the eggs are going to go" when questioned?

Yeah- I turned pretty goddamn beet red.