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November 2, 2012
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Replies: 237

Pretty sure this is the epitome of awkward.

:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Professional Artist
So, I live in Portland, Oregon.

If you haven't heard, we're pretty goddamn weird here. I also happen to be a part of the most depraved subculture our little city has to offer; I tattoo most of the members of Wanderlust circus, the most notorious gang of immensely talented, and also immensely slutty freaks touring the US.

I have friends who are professional clowns- like, every day. Of course, clowning isn't exactly the most lucrative career there is, so we end up with a lot of clown porn. Picture a lot of squeaks, honks, and rubber chickens where there really shouldn't be rubber chickens. It also intersects with the kink scene quite a bit, so sometimes on a Saturday night you can find a really sad clown in stocks getting beaten by vegetables.

I was raised here. It's my hometown. This, unfortunately, means that my family home is about 20 blocks away from the warehouse where most of this shit goes down. And, yeah, my mom lives there, with my 16-year old little sister.

On Halloween, I got really drunk and agreed to stand in for one of the girls that dropped out of "Total Domination," an all-female submission wrestling spectacle. The reason it's truly a "spectacle" has to do with the things that happen to the loser of each round. Being as I'm not entirely sure it's even legal, I'm not going to go into details here.

My mom- well- it's weird, she knows some of my friends, and despite the fact that this is a relatively sizable city, still has the feel of a small town in the fact that she hears EVERYTHING that's going on.

She already knows about a lot of the stuff I do. But- having to explain to her about "where the eggs are going to go" when questioned?

Yeah- I turned pretty goddamn beet red.
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Devious Comments

:icontachy-on:
Tachy-on Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
:lock: by request of OP
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:iconquixotic-spark:
quixotic-spark Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
So, they tour the US?
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:iconsabhira:
Sabhira Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
This complaint is quite interesting. :eyes:
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Professional Artist
Your icon is quite interesting.

It makes me want to... DO things.

To... cats... WAIT NO STOP BAD THATS BAD
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:iconsabhira:
Sabhira Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Oh dear! :lol:

My icon always gets the best reactions.
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Professional Artist
It's just so... titillating.

Rowr.
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:iconsabhira:
Sabhira Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
:flirty:
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:iconroberts-the-vile:
Roberts-The-Vile Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
Whiskey.
Tango.
Foxtrot.
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Professional Artist
Oh, you think THAT'S weird? I should tell you about what we did to plastic baby jesus that one time.
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:iconroberts-the-vile:
Roberts-The-Vile Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
Please, for the love of god, do.

I am so bored over here with my lame fetishes...
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Professional Artist
I was going to, but then I realized it was not just BORDERING on straight-up porn but actually straight up porn. Sorry.
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:iconroberts-the-vile:
Roberts-The-Vile Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
Send it to my note box, girl.
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Professional Artist
Ok, you asked for it.
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:iconroberts-the-vile:
Roberts-The-Vile Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
OH HOHO! Merry fuckin xxxmas ME!

Yeah. This is a keeper.

NICE TO MEET *YOU.*
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:iconhametsunocharge:
HametsuNoCharge Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
.....Part of me wants to laugh

...Part of me has to wonder......where DO the eggs go? :iconoo-plz:
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Professional Artist
Back where they came from.

If I was a chicken.
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:iconhametsunocharge:
HametsuNoCharge Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
........That's got to be.....uncomfortable 0.o
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Professional Artist
Not really. They're pretty smooth, decently sized and pleasantly shaped. Almost like they were... designed for that purpose or something.
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:iconhametsunocharge:
HametsuNoCharge Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I knwo they were but...yikes. They don't ever break inside do they?
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Professional Artist
Condoms.
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:iconakuma223:
Akuma223 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My young eyes should really not be reading this. But I am. And I find I am very okay with it, its.....intriguing.
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional Artist
And I even omitted all the really good bits!
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:iconkorukikonaru:
KorukiKonaru Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Disturbing but interesting. I'm not sure if I'm even old enough to be hearing about this :iconteheplz:
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional Artist
I think I'm skating just on the edge of the rules here. Hopefully I haven't crossed the line- but in any case no one's reported me yet so I guess I'm golden!

HEY KIDS! WANNA SEE A -REAL- CLOWN?
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:iconleapinglela:
LeapingLela Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Clown porn...I think I just discovered a strange and weird new fetish.

:iconimhappyplz:
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Artist
Then my work here is done!
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:icontheartofcbyoung:
TheArtOfCBYoung Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know it should be wrong to laugh at someone else's awkward moments, but I'm pretty sure this is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time.
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Artist
I wouldn't have posted it if I wasn't intending for others to laugh at my expense.

I know it feels wrong, but... just go with it, trust me, it will all be ok. ;)
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:icontheartofcbyoung:
TheArtOfCBYoung Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, in that case, thank you for bringing some strange humor to my day. =)
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:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Student Filmographer
:lol:
I don't know whether to laugh or cry at your mum being so curious. I know for sure if it was me I'd have pretty much died on the spot.
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Artist
Yeah, it's almost as weird as my friend who's mom is ACTUALLY involved with the fetish/public sex thing.

I think my mom secretly wishes she could join in the fun.

I would fucking DIE if my mom was the one being tied up for an exhibition...
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:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Student Filmographer
Oh dear. :lol:
How does your friend take that, then?

And to be fair, I think anyone would genuinely want the world to swallow them whole if it was their mother doing it.
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Artist
He takes it pretty well, actually.

I think he grew up already used to that sort of thing, though.
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:iconcanookian:
Canookian Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I remember when my family almost moved to Portland. Bullet dodged? Probably >.>
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Artist
You don't HAVE to go straight to the underground warehouse sex parties. I mean, sometimes the clowns will sneak up on you and pull you in if you're not careful, but most of the population lives SORT of normal lives.
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:iconelrotram:
elrotram Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Still trying to find the complaint in this. ;)
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Artist
My mom being really, really curious about it to the point of stalking my page online and asking my friends for info.
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:iconelrotram:
elrotram Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
So give it to her. If you live with her, it's kinda her right to know. So, you know, trolls or something don't eat you.
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Artist
I live in my own apartment. My mom just lives in the same city and somehow manages to insert herself in my circles from time to time.

I'm 22 and have been living on my own since she kicked me out at 15.

She really shouldn't be that goddamn nosy.

I think she secretly wishes she was involved in the fetish scene too... I've heard stories about what she did in her youth.
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:iconelrotram:
elrotram Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Then kick her and run, just run...
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Artist
Uh, she DID push me out of her vagina-hole and sacrifice her body to bring about by existence. Not to mention enduring years of child-raising torture without a dad to help out. I gotta have SOME respect for that.
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:iconelrotram:
elrotram Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Well, yes, but if you're really that bothered by it then kick her and run. (Proverbially, of course.)
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional Artist
Oh, I thought you meant literally. (I take a lot of things literally that I'm not supposed to). Well, yeah, I did, but my mom is a stalker so she always finds me.
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(1 Reply)
:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
So... where do those eggs go :eyes:?
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Artist
Back where they came from.

...If I were a chicken.
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
But you're not a chicken are you :eyes:?
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Professional Artist
But I can pretend!

Bawk-bawk-BAKAAAAW
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
You like to pretend that you're a chicken, so you can put the eggs back where they came from :roll:?
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:iconwikidtron:
Wikidtron Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional Artist
When you're in the circus, you have to do weirder and weirder things to stay entertained.
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
I guess, I should really go to the circus once o.o
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