Something has to be done about all this trolling on dA

~ThereAreNoTurkeys Aug 31, 2012

I for one have had enough of people making mean-spirited comments to one another without a second thought. Cyberbullying is a real problem, people.

Of course, I did not come to the Complaints forum with the expectation to change this problem via a simple complaint, as per the pitch we present on the forum page. No, I've come with the above complaint, and a concrete solution to this problem.

Introducing: Guardian Shield troll insurance.

For as low as $74.99 a month, you can rest assured with our Basic Aegis policy that anytime someone trolls you, the good people at GSTI will take your mind off the nastiness with funny links and one-on-one discussion.

And that's not all - for our Premium Avenging Angel policy, which only costs $199.99 for every two weeks of protection, the wordsmith department, including five Harvard graduates in criminal psychology, guarantee that the trolls will feel bad about themselves for at least 10 minutes.

To get a free quote, send an email to gstrollinsurance@gmail.com, as the website is currently under construction.

Guardian Shield - because Mean People are Weak™.

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Devious Comments

*HANAJIMA-UCHIHA Sep 2, 2012

I think I'll just wait until someone posts the torrent for it.

~ThereAreNoTurkeys Sep 2, 2012

You can't torrent a service, you silly goose!

~kmwright Sep 2, 2012

I was trolling this weaboo when your workers made me feel so depressed about myself that I drugged myself. I will sue your company for damage fees.

*Crazylittleloon Sep 2, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

No thanks, I already have my troll insurance.

It's called a backbone.

~DavidScript Aug 31, 2012 Hobbyist Digital Artist

No, please don't buy stuff from this guy. I offer the same products at a fraction of the cost. Buy my Basic Aegis policy with the same benefits for only a set price of $59.99 a month. My Premium Avenging Angel policy is only $159.99 -- that's a 20% discount for the same, quality protection. As an added bonus, call the toll-free number below within 10 minutes and you'll receive the Deluxe Bundle, which includes an anti-spam system that'll make anyone who thanks you for a favorite get beaten to hell and back and a 3-year subscription to DavidScript-Monthly -- a $20 dollar offer for free as long as you pay shipping and handling.

Just call the toll-free number to consult with one of my certified assistants at 1-800-NO-TROLL. That's 1-800-668-7655.

Just remember: we're better than everyone.