I went to a friend's house recently, to see her new babby. This friend is five days older than me and has a kid, which is fucking scary, but that's not what I'm complaining about.

They also have an aged Staffordshire Bull Terrier whose main way of saying hello to someone new is to sit right up close to them and fart.

That's also unpleasant, but not what I'm complaining about.

What I have a problem with is that dog (who is called 'Udders' for some reason - no, I don't know either) did something that another friend refers to as 'getting his lipstick out for you'.

In other words, it isn't fixed. So it is fully capable of flopping its bright pink floppy dog cock out at me. While doing this, it walked over my leg ensuring that it 'lipsticked' my jeans.

Arfg! Blargh! Dry clean!

If any proof was needed, I am now absolutely sure that bestiality is not for me. I have rarely been quite so disgusted, and I've eaten rotten skate and dried cheesy crickets before now.

Keep your damn dog's cock away from me!

--
Deconstructuralist.