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February 1, 2013
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Monthly Literature Critique Thread: February

:iconbeccajs:
BeccaJS Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013   Writer
Posting Guidelines: Monthly Lit critique: February

Please note: This forum is refreshed as new on the first of every single month. The previous month will be locked and unstickied on the same day.

:bulletblue: This thread is for critique requests for literature deviations only. Please only post if you are interested in revising your writing and wish to receive honest critique
:bulletblue If you would like critique, please post a comment with a direct link or thumb to your deviation.
:bulletblue: Please refrain from posting entire texts in comments.
:bulletblue: Please note, there are plenty of Groups that also offer critique as well as literature chat rooms.

:bulletorange: When giving critique, please remember to be constructive, not destructive.
:bulletorange:The following guides on critique may be of use to read:</span>

Crit Ticks for critics
Critique
How to accept a critique
PE: Literature Critique Tips

Previous Month: January

Not getting any critique?

You have to give to get on dA. Make the effort to respond to other requests on this thread and more people will be likely to respond to yours :)
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Devious Comments

:iconbeccajs:
BeccaJS Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013   Writer
New month! :la:

:lock:
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:icontristancody:
TristanCody Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Student Writer
If anyone needs a critique on a poem or short story, I will gladly do it.
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:icontristancody:
TristanCody Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Student Writer
On a low point right now. I was hoping some critiques and ideas could get me going: Hair Strand HandsThe hand is a hair strand
upon the black mechanic
who articulated a nation
from candle wicks and ash.
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:iconnatej91:
natej91 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
[link]

A short story (1,800 words) I wrote last night.

Unsure whether it can be classed as a short story. Tell me what you would call it.

Thankyou in advance for reading and critiquing :)
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:icondorianharper:
DorianHarper Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Professional Writer
Critiqued :D
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:iconkohou:
Kohou Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
[link]

Chapter 2. I'm looking for as much input as possible, and also any general suggestions. I want to improve my writing as much as I can.

Chapter 1 is on my profile.
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:iconmilton49:
milton49 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013
This is a small piece from a novel i am working on.
[link]

any feedback or critique would be aprecciated, i just REALLY want to know what people think as they read this.
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:iconemperor-wildrose:
Emperor-WildRose Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
I would greatly appreciate a critique on the following piece: [link]
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:iconthelittleone:
thelittleone Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Critique sent :)
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:iconsniper0092:
Sniper0092 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I could not send a link from my phone, my PC can't go online so, if anyone is interested I have fanfics in my journals if you want to critique them.
Please.
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:icondevilkid-chan:
DevilKid-chan Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Commented. It's very short and may not be useful, but I hope it helps :)
(The science fiction caught my eye. I love all that stuff.)
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:iconwitte-draak:
witte-draak Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013
Left a few words. Great read.
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:iconmelancholymourning:
melancholymourning Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Since I write both short stories and poetry, I'd like to enter one piece of each style of writing. I hope it's okay to submit two, I haven't read anything saying you can't; if you cannot please tell me and I will edit this post. Thank you!

A short story about love:

You know,We grew. We grew together; almost in a mutilating way. We grew almost as though we molded together. Our lives fit, you know? In that way that only the movies can describe, only visual and audio reenactment that has been played out many, many times; making it just perfect. Just right; just the right amount of lighting to show that glow on your skin, the light still beaming out of your eyelids while they steadily move about as you sleep, how stunningly white and pearly each tooth in your smile shinned. Just the right lens to display your dainty like, feminine proportioned body so vivid and perky, so curvy and smooth; to show the goose bumps app




A poem about love:

InfiniteI’ve told myself many times;
To stray from the love you fill inside me tonight.
In the moonlight I have realized;
You’re worth putting down the fight.

The solders I have trained to kill;
To those who try to bring my thrill.
My weapons ceased;
The battle is neutral for only ye.

Take your ships;
And invade my sanctuary.
Sail into my roots,
Attached to me akin my grave;
Rupture; break; untangle them from my veins.

I will let you inside;
You can tear down the walls I’ve built up over time.
I accede to let you into my sanctuary.
Please steal me;
From this body I hide in like a cave.
I yearn to be your baby.

You are my beckon;



-Coley.
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:iconkohou:
Kohou Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
For starters, I'll link this: [link]

The intention is to create a graphic novel. Not having an artist makes things much more 'novel' and not so much 'graphic'. Eventually, I plan to remake things as a graphic novel but for the sake of getting something out there and motivating myself to keep working and improve my own ability both as an artist and as a writer, I decided to upload the first chapter and introduction to the story.

While it's supposed to be a League of Legends graphic novel, the start is a little confusing. You'll find that there's literally nothing to do with LoL. This is intentional.

What I'm mainly looking for is advice and critique. I consider myself an amateur writer, but I think I'm off to a decent start. I want to do everything I can to improve my own ability, and getting as much feedback as possible is the best way for me to do this.

Sorry for not uploading it to DeviantArt, but it met the character limit pretty quickly.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, hopefully you guys like what you see.

Chapter 1: [link]
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:iconkohou:
Kohou Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Figured out how to keep the formatting the same on DA, uploaded to my profile: [link]
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:iconjaffa6:
Jaffa6 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey all! I'm writing a book [link] and I'd REALLY appreciate reviews, constructive criticism, and if you told people about it ^^ If you post, please post on the link ^^

If you critique mine, I'll critique yours ^^ Also, feel free to suggest ideas in notes!
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:icondorianharper:
DorianHarper Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Professional Writer
Critiqued :D
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:iconwalkingindreamlight:
WalkinginDreamlight Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Comment left on your poem, my friend :)
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:icondabrandonsphere:
DaBrandonSphere Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
NM, story deleted.
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:iconblood-marked-wolf:
Blood-Marked-Wolf Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
[link]

This is the first chapter of a book I'm attempting to write, but I'm constantly changing it as I seem to be overly critical of my work - I've already re-written this eight times in the past month. Any criticism on how to improve it would be helpful. Thanks in advance.
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:iconthenaughticallife:
TheNAUGHTicalLife Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Professional Writer
I wrote this out of want instead of necessity. I was pulling for a dystopian portrait of how wage gaps and low employment drive people to extreme action and desperation. It's coated in a lot of metaphor though I'm unsure of how powerful they are. I'd like some ideas of what people think, what they take from it, and other critique so I know how to approach editing it. Thanks much for the help. :)

[link]
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:iconember-talonholme:
Ember-Talonholme Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
[link]
The first chapter of my novella-in-progress, "The Sins of Two"
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:iconthenimster:
TheNimster Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
[link]

Chapter 3 of my sci fi short series.
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:iconashesonfire:
ashesonfire Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Looking for a critique, please. :D Happy to do a critique trade-off.

Two chapters are posted, both chapters together roughly 9 pages long.



[link]
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:iconcrush-groove:
Crush-groove Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013   General Artist
left a few thoughts
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:iconashesonfire:
ashesonfire Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :D
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:iconthebadlieutenant:
TheBadLieutenant Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Just added a teen twin super heroine peril/torture story to my page...let me know what you think...
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:iconbeccajs:
BeccaJS Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013   Writer
Please provide direct link :D
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:iconthebadlieutenant:
TheBadLieutenant Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Reply
:iconthe-infamous-mrgates:
The-Infamous-MrGates Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Professional General Artist
hey what's up everyone. I have some stuff I would like critiqued
The Deluge of Isolated Rain, PART IIt's around 3:00am and my face is gushing blood while it's being pushed against the grimy asphalt, by a big leather boot.  The boot belongs to a massive skin-head biker called Owen.  He grinds my head in a slow circular movement so the little specs and rocks embed themselves into the right side of my cheek, properly mixing in with my blood.  Part of me didn't think I deserved to be here, but the other half, my reasonable half, said I did.

Eventually, I had to agree with that part of myself.

This fat fucker was pissed off at me.

Scratch that.

He was very fucking pissed off. Why?  Because, I got drunk enough to stumble on his table and gro

If interested here is part two.
The Deluge of Isolated Rain, PART IIThe ominous blitzkrieg of Cannibal Corpse booms me awake with a mild heart attack.  I flip around over my scattered papers and dirty clothes to my stereo.  The sheer power of double-kicked blast beats render me helpless as I tumble over the broken canvases of my obstacle-course bedroom.  Once I finally stand up and turn off my speakers, I'm slightly exhausted from the sudden rush of adrenaline, instigated from the flutter of decomposed nightmare snippets and death metal fury.  
I feel better than when I arrived home, but my head hurts a bit.  I check the time.  

6:38pm.

It's dark out.  I must have slept through the whole day.  I walk to t

It's a short story I'm working on. :)
there is a part three in my gallery but, hey one thing at a time. :)
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:iconthenimster:
TheNimster Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I have the time and will to critique the work of anyone that reads some of my short story intro chapters and shares their opinion. Link what you want reviewed in your comment and I'll be sure to check it out.
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