How are you going to get your book published if you write in internet-speak? ): Even your stories are written similarly. I'm not trying to be mean, but if you're looking for advice, you should try and write correctly.
No one's going to buy it. The story is bad, and your characters are Mary-Sues. Editors would have a headache explaining to you what a real book is. Not to mention it's too short to be a book, unless it's a kids book.
She is right with her comment. Most of the time, publishers don't accept work that has been previously published since they want first publishing rights. Publishing your work online counts as publishing in their eyes and since the work is available for free, they often don't want to sign it if people can just access it themselves.