Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour


Closed to new replies
November 18, 2012


Replies: 8

Anyone want a good read.


Is a story where everyone on planet earth are monsters or aliens from shows,card games,video games, etc.

Devious Comments

Beccalicious Nov 20, 2012  Professional Writer

Please read the forum stickies before posting. If you would like critique on this piece, please use the critique thread. If you want to share your work, please use the thumbshare forum or try a +Groups.
schris91 Nov 20, 2012  Student Filmographer
Good lord it's called a paragraph, sir. New idea= new paragraph. New dialogue= new paragraph. Also indent. Then try asking people to read it.
Apologies then I now feel dumb for posting it here....
Lovely-Words Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Learn to format your posts for this site. There's no way I'm reading a text brick like that.
carusmm Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Too much dialogue.
saartha Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Is that good or bad?
merrak Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist
You want the thumbshare forum, or the critique thread at the top of this forum (if you want critique). This thread will probably be locked.

That aside, I think you'll receive more responses if you format your text so it is easier to read. Right now you have two big paragraphs. The text blurs together. I gave up after line two because my eyes kept getting lost in the words.

Fortunately, that's easy to fix. At the very least, break to a new paragraph at the end of each speaker's dialogue line. That alone would break up the wall-of-text into easily readable lines.
Add a Comment: