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November 7, 2012
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HELP WITH AN ESSAY THESIS!!!!!!!

:iconmina321908:
Can anyone tell me if this is a good thesis?

Despite the harsh criticism it received, the painting Le Déjeuner sur L'herbe (1863) by Edouard Manet benefitted his career in the way that Manet defied the rules in art and culture, making it powerful enough to create innovation.

its for an art history university course.
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:lock: The forums are not a place to ask for homework help. Please read the forum rules [link] before posting.
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:iconlabruyere:
LaBruyere Nov 7, 2012  Student Writer
I would rephrase "in the way that..." to "in that he...." and generally, it is good to specifically describe, in the order you're going to expound, your main points. Most commonly that's three main points, but sometimes only two, and sometimes four. If doing so make the thesis sentence too long, you can use a semicolon to keep it from being run-on. I'd narrow it to which rules he defied. Like, "he defied the (blank) rules of art and the (blank) rules of culture, becoming an innovator in his medium. Then expound in that order.
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:iconlabruyere:
LaBruyere Nov 7, 2012  Student Writer
Good luck!
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:iconfutilitarian:
Your thesis idea doesn't seem particularly tightly focused or well-expressed. What is the 'it' in the final clause - the art, the career? I would try and simplify the idea because a vague and wishy-washy kind of plan like this will invariably lead, in my experience, to a rambling essay that lacks focus.
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:icon0rg:
Just write "butts" about twelve times and you should be good.
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:iconmina321908:
Thank... you... I will... lol
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