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November 1, 2012
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Monthly Literature Critique Thread: November

:iconbeccajs:
BeccaJS Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012   Writer
Posting Guidelines: Monthly Lit critique: November

Please note: This forum is refreshed as new on the first of every single month. The previous month will be locked and unstickied on the same day.

:bulletblue: This thread is for critique requests for literature deviations only. Please only post if you are interested in revising your writing and wish to receive honest critique
:bulletblue: If you would like critique, please post a comment with a direct link or thumb to your deviation.
:bulletblue: Please refrain from posting entire texts in comments.
:bulletblue: Please note, there are plenty of Groups that also offer critique as well as literature chat rooms.

:bulletorange: When giving critique, please remember to be constructive, not destructive.
:bulletorange: The following guides on critique may be of use to read:

Crit Ticks for critics
Critique
How to accept a critique
PE: Literature Critique Tips

Previous Month: October

Not getting any critique?

You have to give to get on dA. Make the effort to respond to other requests on this thread and more people will be likely to respond to yours :)
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Devious Comments

:iconbeccajs:
BeccaJS Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012   Writer
New month! [link] :lock:
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:icondindeen:
DinDeen Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I wrote an original dying Earth fiction which I finished recently. I posted its prologue here on DA but I'm yet to receive any criticism. I've asked for help from my friends as I wrote it since English is not my native language. I'll post the thumbnail of the prologue which has the link to my blog:



The reason why it is linked to my blog is because the story is fragmented into "updates" (for blog writing) of 500 to 1000 words each. The story itself is on my blog but I've compiled it to a PDF. Should I submit that PDF to DA and ask for critique on it instead of just uploading the prologue?

Many thanks to anyone who'll even glimpse at this post.
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:iconbeccajs:
BeccaJS Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012   Writer
we've just moved to a new month! [link]
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:icononceuponanight23:
OnceUponANight23 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
here: [link] I really want to improve!
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:iconsaintartaud:
saintartaud Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
Hello, I left some critique on your excerpt here: [link]
Hope it is helpful! :D
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:icononceuponanight23:
OnceUponANight23 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you, I'm gonna check that right away!
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:iconstoppingeternity:
stoppingeternity Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer

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:iconsaintartaud:
saintartaud Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
Hello, I left some critique on this piece here: [link]

Hope you find it helpful! :D
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:icondanikamilles:
DanikaMilles Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you!
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:iconsaintartaud:
saintartaud Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Professional General Artist
Hello, I left a comment on your piece here: [link]
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:iconfreyalibra3:
Freyalibra3 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist
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:iconavatar-720:
Avatar-720 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The Mad ZoneThose screams. Oh God, those screams. Each anguished note, each pained wail of suffering and torment; relentless; unending; untreatable. I told them after the incident; I said I wouldn't go back. Nothing in the world could make me return to that place, that palace of agony. So, why did I come back?

I walk stiffly, but purposefully, through the corridor of dirt, worn flat by constant footfalls; a testament to how regularly the path is trodden. It's quieter here—the dead rarely plague the ears of living—but even the stillness of the cluttered morgue offers little solitude from the screaming. Even here, on the other side of the camp, I hear the


A rather fethed-up thing I wrote for ScreamPrompt's The WORST place to hear the phrase "Welcome Back." prompt.

It currently stands at 1298 words (by Open Office, which usually means around 1300-1305 to other checkers), so I'm 200 words off the minimum count.

I'm also not sure if there's enough focus on the setting there, since I got rather absorbed in writing the rest of it, but it's my first attempt at anything outside of Sci-Fi and Sword 'n' Sorcery Fantasy, and my first attempt at a prompt that isn't vague, so you'll have to bear with me.

Any tips at all are welcome, as well as advice on what to add to take up the next 200 words. I'm thinking of using them to expand the setting details a little, but I don't really know how (mind you, it's 03:21am, so I don't know how to do a lot of things right now).

In any case, there's still just under two weeks to get it sorted, which is plenty of time.
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:iconschutzhund-chick94:
Schutzhund-Chick94 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
[link]

This is my first draft, and it is based on a dream I had a few months ago. My grandmother keeps encouraging me to write, so this is my start.
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:icondick-c-nourmus:
Dick-C-Nourmus Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
Hi, I'm writing some fan fiction. I was wondering if you could check it out and give me some feedback. Thanks!
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:iconbeccajs:
BeccaJS Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012   Writer
You need to provide a direct link to your piece.
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:iconshwiggs-kirths:
Shwiggs-Kirths Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hey Back Again with four more deviations!

First off I give you "Lost to all but himself" A crossing poem that tells two different stories, I am horrid at classification so bear with me. The odd lines are introverted whilst the even are extravert
[link]

Second, "Soul Asunder." Basic "got stuck in my head" kinda thing.
[link]

Third, Though it's a little late for Halloween, I give you this one "Zombies tread on holy ground" its supposed to be a song.
[link]

Finally I give you "Demons." This boil has been stewing for years, one day it finally popped this at me.
[link]

BONUS: [link]

Until next time!
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:icontheshanar:
TheShanar Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I commented on one, and I'll be reading your others very soon. :)
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:iconshwiggs-kirths:
Shwiggs-Kirths Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
please do!
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:iconcreativelycreative:
CreativelyCreative Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
Hey! Check out my profile for some wonderfully written erotica. I would love for people to enjoy my writings. Feel free to stop by my profile and read my journal which contains a novella. Feedback appreciated
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:iconbenjamin-biddix:
Benjamin-Biddix Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey everyone, I would love you're honest feedback and improvement suggestions on my new work( some completely new and some re-dos, links are below. :B
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
[link]
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:iconpadfootlet:
padfootlet Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
Just hoping for some feedback! I know I still have things to learn!
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:iconapricots-from-nara:
Apricots-from-Nara Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student General Artist
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:iconfallenhat12:
fallenhat12 Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
Hey, I'm new using deviantArt and a new writer. This is one of the first stories I've really tried to write, and it was suggested to me that I post it here for feedback. It would be greatly appreciated :)
[link]
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012   Writer
[link]

:icon338261374icon:

I think that's how I had to do that...but I'm not sure. If I'm wrong please tell me how to get it like everyone else's?

Anyways, please critique my lyrics. I tried a "steampunk" style. I'll critique back!
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:icongavacho13:
gavacho13 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I just self-published kindle and nook versions of my novel, and I'd love to get any critique I can from anyone interested in reading a short sample of my book.

It's called "Dark Rider Of The Apocalyptic Darkness." It's a comedic post-apocalyptic sci-fi western. With a dash of polygamy. Here's the sample:



Thanks in advance to anyone willing to give me some feedback!
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:iconburnouts3s3:
Burnouts3s3 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
The Real Captain Psychotic

The Real Captain Psychotic

Jimmy Donovan’s idea of a good time involved snacks high in saturated fat, drinks high in corn syrup and the 16-inch television in his living room that was outdated by at least 10 years. During his brief but rather noticeable 14 years of existence, he had learned all he needed from his television where his single mother, his schoolteachers and his sisters had failed to reach him. Everyday, he would plant himself in front of this television set and waste copious amounts of hours (as well as brain cells), watching whatever suited his needs.

Many gave their concern, attempting to fix the problem. When his preschool teachers complained, they removed the cable TV. He still continued watching. When his elementary school teachers complained, they removed video games and the computer altogether. He continued watching. When his middle school teachers complained, they remo


The Real Captain Psychotic: Chapter 2

In an alternate future, superheroes aka mutants working under the government, are not only common place, but have oversaturated the general public. Among one of these masked heroes is one Captain Psychotic, aka 15 year old Jimmy Donovan, a crass, rude and otherwise insensitive telekinetic and telepath. Without special medication, his telepathy will run rampant and he will be unable to block out the various thoughts of everyone within a mile radius and be forced to be institutionalized. Therefore, much to his complaining and moaning, he is forced to fight crime. But things aren’t easy when he’s sidekick to a bossy supergirl named Straight Arrow (aka Chloe Sanders), his devoutly Catholic and bigoted mother, Katherine, and a world that hates psychics. This is another one of his adventures.

The Real Captain Psychotic: Chapter 2

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


The Real Captain Psychotic: Chapter 3

In an alternate future, superheroes aka mutants working under the government, are not only common place, but have oversaturated the general public. Among one of these masked heroes is one Captain Psychotic, aka 15 year old Jimmy Donovan, a crass, rude and otherwise insensitive telekinetic and telepath. Without special medication, his telepathy will run rampant and he will be unable to block out the various thoughts of everyone within a mile radius and be forced to be institutionalized. Therefore, much to his complaining and moaning, he is forced to fight crime. But things aren’t easy when he’s sidekick to a bossy supergirl named Straight Arrow (aka Chloe Sanders), his devoutly Catholic and bigoted mother, Katherine, and a world that hates psychics. This is another one of his adventures.

The Real Captain Psychotic Chapter 3

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



In 3 parts. Please be honest, and I hope you enjoy.
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:iconcody-h:
Cody-H Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Photographer
Frost and Flame.

:bulletred::bulletred: I do plan to add more to this chapter soon. :bulletred::bulletred:
Other than that, please tell me if there is anything I can fix!
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:icontalesmith:
TaleSmith Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
I'm trying to improve my first attempt at a self-contained short story:

[link]

Any and all critiques are welcome and I'd be more than happy to return the favor.
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:iconfondofmusic:
fondofmusic Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
I would really appreciate a critique. This is my first time writing a fantasy story. This is only the first part...the story takes place during the medieval time period:

[link]
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:iconcourtneyvillain:
CourtneyVillain Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
Just looking for some feedback on this ;D [link] hope u enjoy. As always honest feedback is greatly welcomed
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012   Writer
I'll critique it
Reply
:iconhaystackedcradle:
HaystackedCradle Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Chapter 4 of my novel, with more chapters added daily. :excited: If you like mystery, supernatural, or love stories, maybe give it some time. :thanks:

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:iconfafenheir:
Fafenheir Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
Chapter 6 of my story is ready. It is the continuing story of a human, centaur, gnoll, and several divine super beings just trying to get by in this work-a-day world. [link]
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:iconkakashi-narutorules:
kakashi-narutorules Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I would really appreciate if you read my story: [link] and had a look at [link] and [link]. I'm not a PM, so I can't use critiques, but please comment on what you think that I can improve on!!! Thankyouuuuuuuu!!!!
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