Monthly Literature Critique Thread: July

^Beccalicious Jul 1, 2012 Professional Writer

Posting Guidelines: Monthly Lit critique: July

Please note: This forum is refreshed as new on the first of every single month. The previous month will be locked and unstickied on the same day.

This thread is for critique requests for literature deviations only. Please only post if you are interested in revising your writing and wish to receive honest critique

If you would like critique, please post a comment with a direct link or thumb to your deviation.

Please refrain from posting entire texts in comments.

Please note, there are plenty of Groups that also offer critique as well as literature chat rooms.

When giving critique, please remember to be constructive, not destructive.

The following guides on critique may be of use to read:

Crit Ticks for critics
Critique
How to accept a critique
PE: Literature Critique Tips

Previous Month June

Not getting any critique?
You have to give to get on dA. Make the effort to respond to other requests on this thread and more people will be likely to respond to yours

Devious Comments

~~love 0 0~~

joy 5 5

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

fear 1 1

neutral 2 2

$namenotrequired Aug 1, 2012 Student Interface Designer

Monthly Critique Thread for August: [link]

*Crazylittleloon Jul 31, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

The Old Hospital - Chapter Five Excerpt I woke up around three in the morning gasping for air, feeling around to make sure I was awake and fully in the real world. After confirming this, I curled up into a fetal position, resting my forehead on my knees. My long brown hair fell around me, tickling my ankles as I tried to think over the horrible nightmare I had just woken up from.

I had been trapped somewhere on the hospital grounds. The backyard to Building Number One, I think. It was extremely dark, the only light coming from a full moon and a small lantern I was holding. The stars had been completely covered by an overcast, and there was no sound at all. I was in my school unif

!Wimshurst3 Jul 30, 2012 Professional Artist

I could use some critiques on this: [link]

I should probably specify that the main character is supposed to be pretty unlikeable in this chapter. Grammar isn't perfect and I do plan on fixing that. I've received a few critiques on this piece already but I'd like to get as many as possible so I don't miss anything. With the exception of the MC's unlikeable-ness, I'd like to get this chapter as close to perfect as it can get. I still feel like there's something not right in it and it bothers me. Any advice?

*GodEatingZombieShark Jul 30, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Hello everyone! I want to have a little freeverse judged by the community.

[link]

honesty is the key, but most pepole say its good already.....I'm just a perfectionist.

~javiernp91 Jul 29, 2012 Professional Writer

Hello, I'm about to begin writing the first derivative of my novel, and I'd like some advice from artists like yourselves before I begin, so I can take some feedback into account. It's free to download and it's available on most e-readers like nook, kindle, and the like.
I'd appreciate critiques by any and all means you propose.
It's in spanish. Simple, but spanish nonetheless.
[link]

Thank you all.

~TheAngstyPoet Jul 29, 2012

This is a piece about race. I would just like people from different walks to comment. Also I think the flow is okay but can be better. Please help. & comment! I want YOUR opinions. & critiques. I'll take anything I can get.